I slept fitfully again and this morning I had what I can only describe as a nightmare.

I have a recurring dream, related to anxiety, where my teeth fall out. But this dream involved my eyes falling out … no optic nerve attached or anything, no pupil, just a round orb like a ping pong ball.  Both my eyes wound up falling out, and then the irises peeled off, like the skin off a grape, I could still see — but only barely. And I was told that I would remain eye-less and eventually go completely blind.

It was incredibly strange because a) there was little to no blood b) noone seemed all that upset, including myself and c) even though my eyes fell out I retained some vision.  I can’t find any reference in any online dream dictionary to “eyes falling out” so I’m stuck at interpreting it.

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Gamer Dude had an procedure today, epidural injections for treatment of chronic pain

For the first time, Miss Artistic and Princess Nibbles had to let themselves into the house after school, as we were at the hospital. We were home less than an hour after they got home and we were only 5 minutes away, but still it was a little nerve-wracking.

It is too soon to know if it will have any success. Generally the procedure results in a “sore back” for a day or two, because of irritation from the needle insertion as well as the steroid itself. If he’s going to have any relief, he’ll know by around the 3rd day.

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I finished the shawl for my girlfriend, but decided to give it to Lady Rose’s daughter instead. I even gave Lady Rose the leftover yarn which she used to make a matching shawl for her daughter’s American Girl doll.

But, I’m sad to say that the “crazy quilt” I was making started to unravel because I tried various techniques for color changes so I’m going to start over. I didn’t waste a whole lot of yarn or even time, but I’m still bummed.

Blessings

Mama Kelly

Written by Mama KellyTags:dreams, life

I like one in every 3,500 people around the world was born with the genetic disorder NF1, which stands for “Neurofibromatosis Type 1.” It affects men and women equally and is seen in every population and race.The disorder, which affects the nervous system, is caused by a genetic mutation. 50% of the time it is inherited, 50% of the time it is due to a spontaneous mutation.

Once you possess the mutated gene, there is a 50% chance of it being passed on to a child, with each pregnancy. 

When diagnosing NF1, physicians look for distinctive physical features, also known as signs or markers. This is not the same as symptoms which are how the medical condition makes an individual feel or act.If an individual is confirmed as possessing two of the following criteria, they are considered to have NF1, as long as no other diagnosis can be made which would explain the markers below:

• Family history of NF1
• Six or more café-au-lait spots : flat pigmented patches of skin, the color of “coffee with milk”
• Neurofibromas : see below
• Axillary freckling : freckling in the armpits or groin (or the undersides of the breasts). These are places where the skin folds and not generally exposed to sun-light.
• Lisch nodules : a benign lesion on the iris of the eye which appear as tan or brown
• Skeletal abnormalities, such as tibial bowing, thinning of the shin bone or scoliosis
• Optic glioma : optic nerve tumor

Neurofibromas:

• Dermal : bump-like tumors that grow on or under the skin. As they grow around nerves, neurofibromas can cause tenderness, pain, and even itching. They usually begin to show up in late childhood or early adolescence and can continue to appear throughout life. There is also anecdotal evidence of there being an increase in their number during pregnancy. An affected individual may wind up with just a few or hundreds. They can appear anywhere, and there is no predicting their spread, however only about one in five people with NF1 will have neurofibromas on the face.
• Plexiform : tumors that spread out, either just under the skin or elsewhere (deeper) in the body. They can result in discomfort or even extreme pain. They can grow anywhere in the central nervous system (brain, spinal column, peripheral nerves, etc.) and can cause numbness or even paralysis.

Other Concerns

High blood pressure, also called hypertension, can be seen in persons with NF1. Rarely, this can be caused by pheochromocytomas, adrenal gland tumors that are usually benign and secrete certain hormones.

Some adults complain of chronic pain. Back pain is sometimes related to neurofibromas involving the spine that are not easily removed with surgery.

Headaches can be a problem for some individuals. Doctors specializing in neurology and/or pain management may have ideas to reduce the frequency and/or intensity of the headaches.

About 50% of people with NF also have learning disabilities.

Some adults with NF1 may have had speech problems in childhood which may persist into adulthood such as : having difficulty in adjusting the rate, volume and pitch (tone) of their speech, or having speech that has a nasal quality.

Itching is also a frequent complaint of people with NF1, though it is not understood why it occurs.

Blessings

Mama Kelly

* While NF is a genetic condition present at conception, I was not diagnosed until I was an adult – already married and a mother of two.

Related Links

Children’s Tumor Foundation

NJ NF Resources

Related Reading

Living with Genetic Disorder: The Impact of Neurofibromatosis 1 – a medical textbook

Thirty Cats – novel w/ main character affected by NF1

Written by Mama KellyTags:neurofibromatosis

I’ve had an upper respiratory infection for the past 9 days. A couple of days ago I thought it might be working itself out. Alas I was wrong, it was apparently just regrouping for a new attack.

So basically I’m a walking advertisement for the entire cough and cold aisle of your local pharmacy.

• I’m sniffling and sneezing and coughing
• I’m snorting and wheezing and constantly blowing my nose
• I keep shifting between sweating and freezing
• I’m just plain miserable

I get sick ALOT. Not as much as when I was a kid and teased by family members that “it wouldn’t be Christmas (or Easter or Thanksgiving or hell even bloody Arbor Day) if Kelly wasn’t sick“. But still in a disproportionate amount compared to everyone else I know.

It may be due in part to my having a specific birth defect, a chest wall deformity known as a pectus excavatum.

According to research I’ve done online it seems that people with it “often have mild respiratory problems or frequent and prolonged colds.”  It probably really doesn’t matter.

On another note:

My girls, who are about 5 years apart, are at odds today. Most of the time they get along quite well. They play or do arts and crafts together. Or just go off and each do their own thing.

Today is not one of those days and while it’s not yet 2pm, they have me so wound up that I’ve sent them each off to a different part of the house merely to keep them seperated (and hopefully quiet).

It all started when Miss Artistic told me that Princess Nibbles was being a brat. This said in a shout from the downstairs while Miss Artistic shooed PrincessNibbles up the stairs to be reprimanded.

As it turns out Princess Nibbles was “acting out” because Miss Artistic was tormenting a beloved Teddy Bear just to get a rise out of her. The issue was solved when (after a long talk with “Snowball” to find out the extent of his injuries) Princess Nibbles went back downstairs, band-aided bear in hand.

Flash forward a mere hour or so later …

Now the two of them come upstairs.

Miss Artistic is all “tell mom what you did” and Princess Nibbles is whispering to her older sister “what did I do?”.

Miss Artistic insists that Princess Nibbles has called a boy in the older one’s grade without any encouragement.

Hmmmmmmm

Princess Nibbles is in kindergarten and only has her own phone number memorized. So I wonder how she knew what number to call …..

I ask Miss Artistic about this discrepency and she insists that Princess Nibbles must’ve memorized it by watching her dial the number.

Hmmmmmmm

Do you have a headache yet from trying to keep up? I know that my head is pounding right about now.

After some questions and yelling (mine and hers) and interviews with Princess Nibbles I deduce that

Miss Artistic told Princess Nibbles to call a certain boy. Told her what numbers to dial, maybe even coached her on what to say.

Those of you with pre-teen girls can probably guess that this isn’t going to turn out so well.

And then Miss Artistic got mad because Princess Nibbles said something not to her taste … I don’t know what (I’m assuming it was one of those “she likes you” moments) and I’m not sure I care.

Miss Artistic started it, and if she doesn’t like it backfiring when trying to set her younger sister up to get in trouble maybe that will be a life lesson for her.

I just love the moodiness associated with puberty.

I’m going to go for now and take something for my headache, which feels like my head is going to pop off my neck at any moment.

Blessings

Mama Kelly

Written by Mama KellyTags:kids

slept like a baby … like a real infant …

couldn’t get settled
only slept in fitfull bursts
and woke up cranky

____________________________

wrote 3 other haikus at work related to this situation:

listening to the
phone ring incessently
I sip my coffee

heavy lidded eye
I keep dozing at my desk
coffee doesn’t help

morning came too soon
my eyes burning from fatigue
I long for a nap

____________________________

Anyhoo … one of the things I like about where I work (ummm actually the ONLY thing) is a customizable schedule.  As long as I work a specified minimum of hours I can always work more with no questions (this is also because I happen to work very hard when I’m not totally sleep deprived).  The point being … I worked my minimum and came home and took that longed for nap.

It wasn’t all that refreshing though as I slept “weird.”  I must’ve stayed in the same position for 2 hours so I woke up really stiff and sore and I had psychotic-style dreams.

**************************************************

I was me, but wasn’t me

reliving experiences that never happened

in places that weren’t what they were supposed to be

everything highly charged emotionally and very intense

**************************************************

I had dreams like this alot when I was pregnant … I always called them “the baby slipped me some acid” dreams, and no, there’s no way I’m pregnant.  We haven’t had sex recently and I have no reproductive organs since a hysterectomy 11 months ago.

So other than my usual GAD issues I can’t think of any outside trigger

Blessings

Mama Kelly

Written by Mama KellyTags:dreams, poetry

These were written entirely off the cuff, no tweaking or polishing …. 

sitting with my love
a red heart between us shared
filled with chocolate bliss

*******************************

gathering cobwebs
magic broom in the corner
no circle to sweep

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tapestry lined boat
passage to the Fairy banned
long haired woman cries

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the seasons turn round
winter holds us in Her grasp
spring always returns

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bird in a white cage
singing in unknown language
she plays with the cat

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primary colors
South Park is on the T.V.
I feel young and old

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lined pages of white
as yet unwritten journal
too painful to write

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sad stack of music
we take no time to listen
instead T.V. soothes

Blessings

Mama Kelly

Related reading:

An Introduction to Haiku: An Anthology of Poems and Poets from Basho to Shiki

Haiku Mama - because 17 syllables is all you have time to read

Haiku: Asian Arts and Crafts for Creative Kids

Written by Mama KellyTags:poetry

Last night, as often happens, my hubby and I were randomly flipping channels looking for something to settle on to carry us through to my bedtime. Frustrated to find very little on, we were pleasently surprised to come across an old favorite, The Crow.

The best genre I can place this movie in is horror/fantasy. The plot introduces us to Eric Draven (Brandon Lee), a poor but decent guy. He has two main loves : music (he is in a rock band) and, more than anything else, his fiancée Shelly (Sofia Shinas).

On the night of October 30th, the night before they are to be wed, they are both visciously murdered by a group of hoods who terrorize the entire neighborhood in which they live.

Eric is shot and falls out of a window, plumeting to his death on the sidewalk below, while (we learn) Shelly hangs on after being beaten and raped, in terrible pain, for hours before succumbing to death.

A year later, to the day, Eric is brought back from the dead, with a Crow acting as his guide and sets out to have his revenge. He is gifted with extraordinary healing ability and for much of the movie is unstoppable.

The plotline is somewhat predictable. But this is saved from being a typical B-movie by the amazing acting ability of Brandon Lee and the moments of true emotion. Especially in the scenes where he reacts to memories of his life, and last moments, with his beloved Shelly, he is totally believable.

It is one of our favorite movies and when we stumble upon it we always have to stop and watch.

________________

Tidbits of info:

• the movie is based on the comic book series/graphic novel by James O’Barr
  The Crow: Shattered Lives & Broken Dreams
• O’Barr began work on the series as a means of dealing with the death of his girlfriend at the hands of a drunk driver. He was also inspired by a newspaper account of the murder of a young couple over a $20 engagement ring.
• Brandon Lee was accidentally shot and killed during the making of the movie.
• the fatal scene involved the character Fun Boy (Michael Massee) and was not used in the final version of the film
• instead, as the movie was unfinshed at the time of his death, Mr. Lee’s double was used in scenes used to complete the film
• Brandon Lee’s death came 17 days before his own wedding to Eliza Hutton
• The movie is dedicated is dedicated to the engaged couple and his tombstone reads “for Brandon and Eliza ever joined in true love’s beauty”

What strikes me as so trebly tragic about this movie is how a real life love broken by death created a fictitional love where the parties are seperated by death. Then the movie protrayal of this fictional love story in turn triggered the seperation of two lovers.

Blessings

Mama Kelly

Written by Mama KellyTags:movie review

Mama Kelly’s Opinion:

When you go to the bookstore and browse the shelf for titles related to Wicca and Witchcraft, most of the books being published are geared toward beginners. And while this is a good thing in many ways (when I was a novice in the late 80s books could be very hard to come by), it can leave someone who has been practicing for a while quite frustrated. This book is equally valuable for the experienced Witch as it is for the “newbie”.

The book covers:

• the ancient peoples and cultures from whom inspiration was drawn for modern Wicca
• basic beliefs and tenents of Wiccan belief
• various bits of Wiccan prose, and commentary on each
• the God and the Goddess
• basics of psychic and magickal practice
• rites and rituals

This book is best read after one has been practicing a while, or after having read more basic texts. It goes into great depth regarding historical and other written sources. He draws from sources related to Italy, the Celts, and other areas of Ancient Europe.

This is the only book I’ve read which gives such an intelligent overview to so many aspects of the Wiccan faith. While it is certainly well-written, it is not a light or easy read. It is a book to read slowly and carefully with a notebook handy and a highlighter or pencil in hand to mark important passages.

Definately a must read!!!

Blessings

Mama Kelly

Related reading:

Witchcraft: Mystery Tradition

Beltane: Springtime Rituals, Lore and Celebration

Hereditary Witchcraft

Encyclopedia Of Wicca & Witchcraft

Wiccan Magick

The Witch’s Familiar: Spiritual Partnership for Successful Magic

Spirit Of The Witch

Italian Witchcraft

Well Worn Path – a Wiccan oracle deck

Written by Mama KellyTags:book review

Bah Humbug I say to those who complain when the weather turns cold, to those who whine when it sleets or snows.

It’s winter!!! We live in the northeast. It is supposed to do this from time to time.

I look out the windows and I see a world of white. Everything is transformed from the mundane into a magickal realm. It becomes a day to sit by a fire and read a good book, to let the kids out to play despite the below freezing temperatures and welcome them back in with warm cups of cocoa with homemade whipped cream. Its a day to reminisce about our own childhoods.

Speaking of which ….

I can remember one winter day, back when I lived in Staten Island, when a big snow prompted a snowball fight between the boys and the girls.

Now the boys played dirty, as they tend to do at that age, making slushballs and iceballs instead.

Inspired by a moment of clarity it occurred to me that I could “get them back”.

I ran inside, leaving snowy footprints I’m certain though I don’t remember getting in trouble that day, and grabbed a bottle off my dresser.

Sure I was on the right track, I “spiked” that snowball not with ice or slush but with perfume. And then in a moment of triumph I let it fly and for the first and last time of my life managed to hit my target square in the face.

His first reaction was shock as I was not known for my athletic skills, and then as he wiped the snow from his face he caught a whiff and realized that he now “smelled like a girl”.

A shining moment of victory for all young women everywhere!!!

I remember also being up at a small cabin my parents owned in Highland Lakes, New Jersey. Back in the 70s when eating snow and sucking icicles were common activities. I shudder now to think about how many toxic chemicals I must have ingested, but I remember how good those icicles seemed to taste.

I remember just a few years ago, my preteen was probably about 4, my husband spent a couple of hours outside with her and built her a snow chair and a snow television. She was thrilled, until that is a local monster (okay it was a neighbor child) destroyed it out of plain spite.

Now my children are cleaning the chaos that we try to call a room before they go out to play and build their own winter memories.

As they are calling for a total accumulatation of between 16 and 24 inches this is sure to stick in their minds as one of the heaviest snows of their lives.

Blessings

Mama Kelly

Written by Mama KellyTags:life

I’m going to stay away from the morality and the controversy surrounding Dr. Kinsey and his research and focus instead on just the movie.

My husband and I were flipping channels a couple of nights ago and stumbled upon Kinsey about 15 minutes in. With nothing else on that interested us we settled in to watch. I’m not sure what we were expecting but this movie managed to surprise and even shock us at every turn. 

Alfred Kinsey was born in 1894 in my home state of New Jersey. It was while he was employed at Indiana University that he began gathering case histories of sexual behavior. Kinsey and his staff wound up collecting in excess of 18,000 interviews, and published 2 books:

Sexual Behavior in the Human Male in 1948
Sexual Behavior in the Human Female in 1953

I enjoyed this movie for the depth of the characters and for the moments of stark emotion.  The movie was never predictable, kept us engrossed, and stimulated discussion after it was completed.

I applaud this movie for the message that sex is natural, that there is wide variety as to what can be construed as “normal”, and also that when experimenting with polyamory there is always the risk (regardless of how open and honest you may try to be) that someone can get hurt.

I was shocked, and I will admit to being embarassed (I was raised a good little Catholic girl, ya know), by photographic images and moments in the film that showed pictures of sexual organs or moments of physical intimacy.

I was moved at stories of “interviewees”, one of whom was Dr. Kinsey’s father, which showed how vulnerable we all are when it comes to sex. How our sexuality can be brutalized by moments and judgements in our childhoods. How fear of what is “different” can lead to someone being “cut off” from their loved ones or even beaten or killed by them.

I was however also disgusted when we see Dr. Kinsey interviewing a man who claimed various and innumerable experiences involving incest and child molestation.

I consider it a worthwhile movie to watch, but I do wish to state that one should be aware that while it is certainly not crass, there are moments in the film that are quite explicit.

Blessings

Mama Kelly

You can also read a FULL SCRIPT of the movie here

Written by Mama KellyTags:movie review

Mama Kelly’s Opinion

This is a wonderful book.  While a slim volume it contains lots of information, as well as concise and clear instructions.  It is just as useful for the advanced herbalist as it would be for the total novice.  Ms. Weed’s pregnancy oriented herbal is a gem. It manages to cover everything from prepregnancy to postpartum and infant care.

You will find fertility promoters as well as a wonderful list of things to avoid as they may be harmful to a developing fetus.

You will find herbs for some of the problems of pregnancy. Such as, morning sickness, hemorrhoids, constipation, anemia, heartburn, and fatigue.

You will find advice for coping with perenial tears, after-pains, depression and exhaustion. There is also good coverage of ways to assist you in breastfeeding.

You will also find advice for helping your new treasure during their first months. Umbilical care, eye care, jaundice, colic, thrush, diaper rash … it’s all here. And while you may not be comfortable treating your infant solely with herbs you may find some comfort measures to use in addition to standard medical treatment.

This book is full of so much information it’s hard to believe that it’s under 200 pages. During each of my pregnancies this book was referred to quite often.

Disclaimer : Please know that no herbs have been evaluated by science to be safe during pregnancy or during the newborn period. If you decide to make use of these remedies be sure and notify your Doctor/Midwife or your child’s Pediatrician

Related Reading:

New Menopausal Years, The Wise Woman Way: Alternative Approaches for Women 30-90

Healing Wise

Breast Cancer? Breast Health! The Wise Woman Way

Written by Mama KellyTags:book review