What’s happening this month in Mama Kelly’s household:

1. Toys for Tots  This weekend Hubby and I hope to drop off items for our annual donation.  My husband is a former Marine and grew up in a household where the Holidays was more often a time of doing without than anything else and so this is a charity that is close to our heart.  I toss things into my attic all year long, buying 1 or 2 things a month if I see something on clearance, so that by December I have at least a dozen items ready to donate.  While the toys delivered by the Marines are considered “Christmas presents” they do not care what religion the child is to whom the toys are given.  Recently the organization turned down the offer of 4,000 bible-quoting Jesus dolls simply because the organization “doesn’t know anything about the religious affiliations of the children who receive its gifts”.  I have the toys ready, it’s now just a matter of finding a local drop off center.
2. Cleaning.  I have to gradually get the house ready for company.  Unfortunately my physical limitations (and my hubby’s) preclude doing it all at once so I am slowly trying to organize and de-clutter so that I can do a heavy cleaning in advance of our first holiday event.  I am actually hoping to get someone in to clean FOR ME on the 15th since company comes the next day.
3. Tree-trimming day.   This is a tradition in our house.  It used to be is just “us”, then some years would find us with one relative or another as “company”, more recently it is more of a party, but it ALWAYS involves lots of yummy finger-type food while we put all the ornaments on the tree.  My favorite part, aside from the food, is showing the girls the ornaments that date back from my own childhood as well as those we inherited from my grandmother.  Since I was 20, every year’s tree trimming has found me giving my parents/dad something new for the tree.  It started out as, and still is, my own sneaky way to give a YULE present.
4. A concert.  Lady Rose (brave brave woman) is taking all 3 girls (my 2 and her 1) to a concert in a couple of weeks.  Hubby has to act as chauffer to get them to Lady Rose’s and back home again and they are both very excited.  This will be a first concert for both of them and because very soon my older girl will be a teenager, this is probably the last concert for a LOOOONG time that they will actually BOTH want to attend.
5. Shopping.  This will be the first year in a long time that most of my shopping will have to wait to be done last minute.  My hubby’s disability check comes in on 12/15 and I will be out there shopping from Monday the 18th on.  Unfortunately the 16th is our tree trimming party and the 17th I’ll be working.  So I’ll have about a week to shop and wrap.  I plan to collapse in a heap soon after.
6. Baking.  I don’t always do the Christmas Cookie thing.  But I have for the past couple of years and I really enjoy being able to put out a big platter of cookies in the living room for us to nosh on while we unwrap presents (and sip coffee).  Last year’s platter has 7 varieties of cookies on it and I took great pride in that.  This may have to be forgone this year however as I can’t seem to see a day on my calendar where I won’t be working.  Right now, I do have the window of the 23rd where I can probably bake SOMETHING.  So I may have to split the difference and only bake like 2 varieties of cookies.
7. The cards  I hate hate hate hate hate writing out and sending Holiday cards.  I detest it.  However I love receiving them and so I keep doing it.  LOL !  I also KEEP old cards and like to hang them up as a border around the doorways.  This is especially nice when you come across a card from someone who has passed on.  Its a way to feel like they are still a part of the festivities.  I think I may bring my cards to work and try and do them there.  Even if I do it on lunch its better than doing it all in one huge sitting.
8. Photos – Not only do I have to get my butt in gear and start cutting the school photos for the girls to be included in said Christmas cards but I have other photos I need to get printed out for gifts.  My father recently had old 8MM film transfered onto DVD and I’m hoping that hubby can capture a still or two to print and frame.  There is a shot of 3 of my older cousins that would be a great sweet and funny kinda gift for each of them.  There is also a shot of me and my mom that I’d like to put out.
9. Decorate This weekend also has to find me (why is it seemingly all me?) starting the process of pulling in the last few fall decorations and putting up some Christmas decor.  My father has already started commenting how we are the only house on the block without lights and I figure if it bothers him that much he should do something about it.  After all he is retired now and always telling me how BORED he is.  I’m actually hoping to come home one night from work to see a lit up house.  But it isn’t going to happen.
10. Toy Boxes – Ah that glorious time of year known as the TOY BOX SORT where parents everywhere pull out the toys their kids no longer play with to try and make room for the influx of new stuff.  I have to go and buy some storage containers as a few things are too good to throw out even if they have been OUTGROWN.
11. Xmas Eve – where we go to the house of a cousin who frankly I don’t really get along with.  We’re family, I love her, but oh we have nothing in common.  She (and her siblings) are 10-15 years older than me and 10-15 years younger than my dad.  They are HIS generation according to the family tree.  We do it for the kids who are all the same age (there are 6 of them between the ages of 5 and “almost 12″) and have a hoot of a time.  Mommy and Daddy not so much.  We don’t usually love the spread, we don’t usually enjoy the conversation, and generally we always feel a little brushed over or ignored.  I’d rather stay home. But its a holiday and you have to see family sometimes. 
12. Xmas Day – My one big blow out holiday.  We stay home.  We do not visit.  No matter what the weather is, there is a fire in the fireplace and holiday music on the stereo.  We spend hours slowly unwrapping gifts.  It is not a free-for-all, everyone takes turns and everyone else watches them unwrap and enjoys the reactions, etc.  I cook a huge meal at which we are joined by a family friend “M”.  Due to issues not fit for repeating, she does not spend Xmas Day with her family but instead spends it with US.  It makes it a little challenging as she is severely lactose intolerant and so I have to be careful how I cook but she’s worth it.  Hubby and I don’t exchange – preferring to have the extra money to spend on the girls – but my Dad does shop for us and so the tree always holds surprises for us too.
13. Birthday  My older daughter turns 12 right after Christmas.  Luckily I have a good portion of her presents bought already.  She is getting clothes (I still need to buy 2 pairs of new jeans), a necklace (huge great bargain basement deal – sterling silver and garnet – very GOTHY), and a certificate to get her ears double pierced.  I fully expect to have my ear drums pierced by the happy shrieking responce to the last item on that list.  We also go out to eat because noone should have to eat leftovers (not even MY fabulous cooking) on their birthday.

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Written by Mama KellyTags:birthday, Christmas

For a long time now … longer than I like to admit … I have been dealing with feeling lost and adrift.  I’ve tried many times to describe it to my hubby, to friends, and even here on the blog.

The best I’ve been able to do so far is to give the image of a person on a boat in the middle of a perfectly still lake.  There are no oars, no land in sight, and no indicators or how far off land is or which is the best way to go.  Staying in the boat doesn’t get you anywhere, but at least you don’t drown.

A few nights ago I had a dream which I think actually describes how I feel more accurately.  

I was running to catch a bus to get me to school and “just missed it”.  The problem was there was no other bus coming, I didn’t know the name of the school or where it was so I just started walking and hoped I’d wind up in the right place.

Upon waking, I spent about 30 minutes sipping coffee before heading out to work mulling it over and I came to some conclusions. 

Basically it sums up how I feel.  I feel like there is someplace I’m supposed to be, something I’m supposed to be doing, but I don’t know where or what or how.  And, the big, scary, large elephant in the room you try not to notice kinda thing is that I DO feel like I may have already missed the bus.  That it may be too late.  That I’ve missed my chance my shot and that all hope is lost. 

For the past several years I’ve “just been walking”.  On the plus side, no matter what life and circumstance has thrown at me I keep putting one foot in front of the other.  But, I’m not getting anywhere and I’m to the point of exhaustion with nothing to show for it.  And by that I mean ME MYSELF my own PERSONAL PROGRESS. 

YES I am lucky to be married to a man who is both my best friend AND someone I’ve been in love with since I was 16.

YES I am blessed with 2 gorgeous children who are beautiful and brilliant and loving.

YES I have a roof over my head and clothes on my back.

But the ME I was is shoved in the back of a broom closet, the LIFE I yearn for is seemingly out of reach.

So, while none of these realizations were particularly upbeat, I am so happy it was not a day that I wake up at 6am or I’m certain I would’ve forgotten it entirely.

Anyway ….

I have decided after much dither and internal debate that the time has come to do a spell.

I rarely do spellwork.  Mainly because I have found from experience that you need to be extremely careful to be extremely specific or you just wind up with a whole lot of chaos.  And while chaos does count as change, it isn’t necessarily an improvement.  The last thing I need right now is more chaos.

So far what I’m planning is essentially an elaborate candle spell, the main purpose of which is to help me regain my true self and to find my way back to my true path.

The spell thus far

A candle to represent myself marked with runes/symbols of transformation.

5 candles each representing a desire under the headings of spirit, intellect, emotion, physical, and passion/will to correlate to the 5 elements

A white candle to light the path to follow 

A black candle to banish barriers in my path

The various utterances with the lighting of each candle will be summarized into one prayer which I will use at the end of the spell to raise power and as a daily prayer to keep my goals/desires on track.

I also plan to reconsecrate a piece of jewelry during the ritual as a tangible focus.

I’ve already started writing and have pretty much decided on New Year’s eve for the casting.  Not only is the timing appropriate because of the shift in the calendar year, but it falls on a Sunday which being ruled by the Sun which is a good choice for spells relating to “power”.  Additionally, it is only 3 days before the Full Moon!!!!

Hubby and I always stay home that night anyway.  I can cast the spell around 11:00PM so that the kids will be in bed, as will my father, and be ready to bring in the New Year by kissing hubby as the ball falls with hopefully a lighter heart.

I will keep you all posted.

Blessings

Mama Kelly

Written by Mama KellyTags:depression, spell, wicca

As I’ve mentioned previously I deal with a myriad of chronic health issues.  One of the side effects of this is chronic fatigue.  And this is made worse when I overdo or am under stress.

I have had to increase my hours at work for many reasons.  But the result is still that I am dragging my ass.  I slept late, and slept relatively well, for the first time all week and frankly I feel the worse for wear.  I could go right back to sleep!  The thing that worries me is that I am shooting for OT this week at work (luckily I haven’t obligated myself to it) and the idea of working tomorrow and then over 40 hours in the following 5 days …. well just thinking about it is tiring.  But it is for a good cause as I am earmarking this money for Xmas/Yule shopping.

I managed to do a little “shopping” online last night and wound up with quite a few cool things for my girls without having to spend a whole heck of a lot.  Today the plan is to go over what I already have hidden away in the attic and the trunk of the car and see what blanks are left to fill in between gifts for the girls and gifts for assorted “nieces” “nephews” and friends.

The rest of the plan today is to get the girls to work on their closet and drawers so that clean clothes can be put away without it resulting in stuff being shoved willy-nilly, to go through the toy boxes and pull out the things no longer played with (and decide whether it is worth keeping them for posterity, trying to sell them on Ebay, or to toss/donate them), and to pull out the bags of stuff I already have packed up and itemized for a Salvation Army pickup this thursday.

Me thinks it will be a buzy day.

________________

Yesterday I had to work and it wound up feeling like a much longer day than it was.  I worked 7 hours without a lunch or break and can’t say I came home in the friendliest of moods.  But if you worked where I worked you’d understand.

While I was there my daughter went out with her “boyfriend” and spent the day hanging out with his family.  They adore her as evidenced by us already receiving a call inviting her back today despite her not getting home till after 8pm last night.  Its sweet, its cute, and frankly its a little unnerving.  But so far everything is totally innocent (as it should be since they are each only “just about 12″) so I can’t really argue with her.

The girls are outside now getting some fresh air until lunch time, after which it is time to CLEAN.  I told her that if we can get the house ship shape in time maybe “N” can come HERE next weekend. 

______________

On a side note …

One of my daughter’s best friends (since like 1st grade) has started recently telling other people “secrets” about my daughter.  Little stuff mainly — like telling everyone she had a boyfriend — but apparantly she also told her about our family being Pagan.

Now I am not training my daughter yet in any particular tradition, and for the most part we simply have conversations about how different people see God in different ways … she’s flipped through a couple of Teen books on Wicca … she knows some of what I believe – the sanctity of Nature, celebrating the cycles of the seasons, the concept of the Divine as God and Goddess. 

I was always hesitant to teach her anything that would label her for fear of other people’s reactions to that label.  I’ve also told her that what I believe is MY business and not for her friends knowledge, and that if she needed a label that, for now, she should use the term Unitarian as they accept all positive belief systems.  I explained also that terms like Witch and Pagan make people nervous or even afraid because they don’t know what they really mean (or they believe they are simply wrong).

So apparantly my daughter’s friend, told her parents “what we are” or what my daughter “is”, and they promptly told her it was all made up nonsense.  Not her story … OUR BELIEFS.  So my daughter’s friend promptly told my daughter this.

Nothing was said directly to me so there’s little I can do about it.  The parent’s aren’t discouraging the friendship, to my knowledge, or anything.  But just thinking about it and I fume a little bit.

I’m angry at being part of such a judgemental society.

I’m angry that there hasn’t been enough positive exposure for Wicca and Paganism to be considered as a valid belief system.  Our own president has proclaimed it “nonvalid“.  (Just look at the battle to get the VA to accept the pentacle as a religious symbol)

But mainly, I’m angry at myself for not sticking to my guns and just raising my daughters as Wiccan.

Years ago we had a “baby blessing” for my eldest daughter.  She was 11 months old.  We had a party at a hall and brought in a Unitarian minister to perform the rite (which I wrote with the help of various Pagan texts).  Lady Rose and her hubby were godparents.  I thought it was lovely!  Members of my family who didn’t diss us entirely by NOT COMING had already dismissed it as “weird witchy shit” and were blind to any beauty in it.  When we had a second child, I didn’t bother.

That moment — of having something meaningful and beautiful to me written off as silly and stupid and wrong — killed something inside me.  If I think back, that’s the moment when I ran screaming back into the broom closet, turned off the light, and hid all the way in the back behind old boxes.

When I was in college a fundamentalist Christian group put up posters for a lecture “New Age vs/ New Life” where they intended to denouce the entire “new age movement”.  I had been dealing for a couple of months with religious tracks slipped under my dorm room door (placed on my chair in classes too), and various bits of nastiness written on the wipe off board on my door and so as the lecture was held in my dormitory I went, along with a couple of friends, hoping to help balance what we expected to be propaganda instead of truth about our beliefs.  For the record they didn’t get together to talk about holding fast to strong Christian morals in the face of temptation, they simply blasted the entire New Age/Neopagan movement as being the work of Satan.

A couple of years after I attended a Renaissance Festival (Ren Faire) where a group of fundamentalist Christians attended with a lifesized cross in tow to “protest the presence of Pagans and of live steel” (edged weapons). They carried that cross in 3 circuits around the festival and then picked a spot to set up and “save people”.  It was a new faire and since they paid admission the organizers had no idea how to tell them that yes they could come in but the cross had to stay at home.

In both cases I was polite but I made my opinions known.  If someone wanted to confront me and my beliefs I didn’t back down.  Somewhere along the way I lost that person.

Maybe it was not having a coven anymore to recharge my batteries and spirit with.  Maybe it was feeling so much like a “Witch alone” as my husband wasn’t (and while much more open still isn’t) a practitioner.  Maybe it was fear of abandonment, which as an adopted person I seem to have in spades, and worry that my family could turn their back on me and on my child.

So here I sit fuming in a broom closet with coat hangers on my head.  And because I turned out the light I can’t find the door to get out. 

Anybody have a candle?

Blessings

Mama Kelly

Written by Mama KellyTags:family, memories, religion, spirituality

This was a dish on the holiday tables of my dad’s side of the family, the Polish side, as long as I can remember.My very Italian mother liked it so much she learned to make it, and then I learned to make it, and now both of my girls eat it, and thus it is one of our family traditions.

The dill is a recent addition to the simple recipe I learned from my mother as my online reading has shown that it is a traditional ingredient in Mizeria. I however am not willing to add sliced onions as are also traditional as I am not willing to change the texture of this beloved side dish.

As a side note, if cucumbers tend to give you gastric distress feel free to slice your cukes lengthwize after peeling and scoop out the seeds (which are usually the culprit). If you decide to use this variation you may wish to increase the number of cucumbers in this recipe to 5.

Cucumbers and sour cream

4 Large cucumbers

2 Tsp of salt

1 16oz container Sour Cream

3 Tbsp Apple Cider vinegar

3 Tbsp sugar

1-2 Tsp Dill weed (optional)

Black pepper to taste

Peel and slice the cucumbers paper thin (I like to use a mandolin slicer).

Place in a colander to drain, salting the cucumbers in layers.

Press as much water out of the cucumbers as possible. First while still in the colander (using your fist, a ricer, or even a small bowl as a press) and eventually taking small handfuls of cucumbers and squeezing out by hand.

While your cucumbers are draining, mix the rest of the ingredients and let stand. Once your cucumbers are totally drained, mix into sour cream mixture and place in the refrigerator overnight to allow flavors to meld.

Enjoy!

Blessings

Mama Kelly

Related Reading:

Cooking the Polish Way: Revised and Expanded to Include New Low-Fat and Vegetarian Recipes

Eat Smart in Poland: How to Decipher the Menu, Know the Market Foods & Embark on a Tasting Adventure

Related Links:

http://www.magma.ca/~pfeiffer/sharon/polish.htm

http://www.polstore.com/html/polishrecipes.html

http://www.outernetweb.com/recipes/

Recipe Zaar – Polish Food

Written by Mama KellyTags:food, recipe

Well I managed to get everything out on the table, HOT, at the same time.  Everyone had a little of everything and the meal was proclaimed great by all.

My youngest child, this year for the first time announced that she LIKES my cucumbers in sour cream which means that at least 3 out of 5 of us will eat it and thusly I will get to eat it more often!

Hubby is watching football … the kids are on the computer … and I am resting, contemplating an actual nap.

Pie will come in a couple of hours.

All in all it was an nice day for everyone.

Everyone but me.

I am always a little crabby about how much work time and effort goes into a meal that is finished in a little more than 30 minutes. 

I am always tired from the disrupted sleep that comes from waking up in the wee hours to start my turkey.

I am always a little sad because well its a holiday and its just the 5 of us, and I miss my mom.

My depression and anxiety issues are in an uproar as Thanksgiving marks the beginning of the Holiday season madness and this year money is pretty damn tight and I have very little already purchased (unlike most years when most of my shopping is already done by now). It will probably wind up with us doing everything in the week before Xmas/Yule as scary as that concept is to me. I am so stressed that it feels like my insides are quivering and I keep finding myself crying at odd intervals.

Hubby keeps assuring me that everything will be just fine! One way or another. And I am trying very very hard to believe it.

I hope everyone is having a wonderful day

Blessings

Mama Kelly

Written by Mama KellyTags:family, food, Thanksgiving

I had to work a couple of long days at work (and I’m going back in today as well ICK) to compensate for needing to take 2.5 sick days at the beginning of the week.

It wound up being a long and busy weekend.  My daughter had her “second date” on Friday — a school “social” – and a friend surprised us with a visit and came up from about 4 hours away Fri and left at 6am this morning.   We went out and saw “Happy Feet” with the girls while she was here which I have reviewed over on Epinions.

My older daughter’s report card came in the mail on Saturday and had 2 Cs on it for which I am not thrilled, but my girlfriend has promised her a weekend away if her next report card is all As and Bs.  A weekend that will include, at least in part, going out for sushi and hitting an art museum.

Anyway, I have to dash — I have to get dressed pack some food for work MAYBE get some coffee in me too and head out the door to be at work in about 45 minutes.

Blessings

Mama Kelly

Written by Mama KellyTags:family, life, movies

from worldprayers.org

For food that stays our hunger,
For rest that brings us ease,
For homes where memories linger,
We give our thanks for these.

–traditional – mealtime blessing–

For each new morning with its light,
For rest and shelter of the night,
For health and food,
For love and friends,
For everything Thy goodness sends.

–ralph waldo emerson – 1803-1882–

Thank you for the world so sweet,
Thank you for the food we eat.
Thank you for the birds that sing,
Thank you God* for everything.

* simply replace with Gods/Goddess/Lord and Lady/etc.

–child’s mealtime blessing –

from beliefnet

Goddess, bless this food you have given me
Let it be filled with your divine energy
So that I will be healthy
And live a long and happy life.
Goddess bless! Blessed be!

“Goddess Bless!: Divine Affirmations, Prayers, and Blessings” © 2002 Sirona Knight

Blessings

Mama Kelly

Written by Mama KellyTags:prayers

Woke up this morning very grateful for having a doctor’s appointment and already having “called out” of work as I hacked and sputtered my way into busting a blood vessel and coughing up blood. Yay!

I am already back from the doctor and the official word is that I have a bad case of bronchitis (apparantly I am just “this side” of pneumonia) and have a sinus infection to boot. Guess its a good thing that I went. I have ’scripts for antibiotics and more coedine cough syrup and was told to take my over-the-counter claritin and to do the rest/plenty-of-fluids dance. Before I left the office I got a shot in the butt.

He had wanted to write me out till at least Friday but I can’t afford the time off so I’m just going to take today and tomorrow and rest as much as possible.

Blessings

Mama Kelly

Written by Mama KellyTags:illness, sinusitis

Well this time last week I came down with a sinus infection. One that I hoped would resolve without having to go to the doctor. This morning it became apparant that it had entered the realm of bronchitis — ah I love to cough up multicolors — and would need me to give up the idea of trying to fight it on my own.

I woke up this morning at 3:30 choking and sputtering and never got back to sleep. I had hubby drive me to work as between exhaustion and (leftover) coedine cough syrup I didn’t trust myself on the road. My doctor couldn’t see me today and so I have to go tomorrow (and get a note to miss work) and fully expect to come home with meds.

I hate bronchitis! I have a predisposition to it, in that I have been getting it since at least the age of 6 months. The inability to lay down all the way and breathe properly …. waking up gasping …. spending 30 minutes or so hanging over the sink trying to clear the gunk out of my bronchial tubes. The one blessing is that, unlike when I was a kid, I don’t run high fevers when I get this anymore.

I am also having my usual abdominal pain and intestinal issues and so overall I feel like crud on a cracker.

__________

My visit with Lady Rose was very nice, despite my being ill. I am happy to say that she enjoyed the soup I prepared for her. And her hubby came by to drop off their little girl and brought me soup HE made for ME. It was quite yummy!!!

Lady Rose also surpised my girls with a belated/early bday gift for each of them involving attending a concert with her and her daughter next month. Needless to say jumping and screeching was their response to this news. Hubby will drop them off at Lady Rose’s, hang out with her hubby, and bring them home. I am unable to take any time off to accomodate the schedule and I guess this is a bright side to his being on Full Disability.

__________

My daughter’s “date” went well. They went to see Flushed Away and sat alone 2 rows in front of his mom and baby brother. He didn’t try to hold her hand or put his arm around her, but he did hold doors open for her and walked her to the front door from their car when they returned home.

They have plans to attend an upcoming School Social soon.

So my daughter considers him to be her first “official boyfriend”.

I am so NOT ready for this.

Well that’s it in a nutshell

Blessings to all

Mama Kelly

Written by Mama KellyTags:illness, kids, sinusitis

I have not yet bought this deck but it has certainly added to my wish list.

Features that appeal to me include:

• Characters include vampires, werewolves, witches, gargoyles, angels, and ghosts
• Unique coloring – main tones seem to be white, grey, black, blues and crimson
• It is very dark, making it unlike the other decks in my collection

There’s something just so appealing about the cards I’ve seen.

See more images

here

and

here

and

here

Written by Mama KellyTags:tarot deck