“Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you don’t let show”
- Lean on Me, Bill Withers

I am so behind.

On my clutter control.
On my bill paying.
On my blogging.
On visits with friends & family.
On plans for turning Blade & Cauldron into a home business.

The summer has gone by in a flash while we deal with Miss Artistic. Her health issues … her mental health issues. Right now she is in an intensive outpatient program. She will continue to be there for at least a month into the school year while they provide an academic component.

This “cushion” of time will give us the opportunity to send a new request to the Superintendent of Schools for out of district placement. And, if we are again denied, have a long sit-down with her present high school to lay out a more aggressive plan to help Miss Artistic have a more successful year. Lady Rose’s husband Teacherman has offered to be our advocate in all of this and I am sorry to say that we will need his help as our district (or so we have been told) is notorious for fighting any request for these kinds of services.

This whole experience has been very humbling in that it is forcing me, us, to accept offers of help. Friends who have offered their time, their energies, their money … to help us help our daughter get well. And while I would offer my own help to any of them in a heartbeat, it is so hard to let go of the voices that speak to me in debasing whispers about what it says about me to need their support. It’s a lesson I’m still working on learning.

Blessings to each of you who has offered your help. To those who have lit candles or simply held us in your thoughts. It means more than I can ever say.

Blessings

Mama Kelly

“If there is a load you have to bear
That you can’t carry
I’m right up the road
I’ll share your load
If you just call me”
- Lean on Me, Bill Withers

Buy it at Amazon – Lean On Me (Glee Cast Version)

Written by Mama KellyTags:depression, family, life, mental illness

Today I am grateful that after not one, but two separate hospital stays, that Miss Artistc is not only home, but with a diagnosis.

Today I am grateful that after investigating obvious answers, and then some really scary possibilities as well, that her diagnosis is nothing more serious than GERD and vasovagal syncope (usually triggered by exertion (think Tae Kwon Do) or coughing (think asthma and acid reflux)).

Today I am grateful that helping her get better involves nothing more than adding a new medication to her regimen and making changes to her diet and lifestyle.

Today I am grateful for having health insurance I can barely afford so that I only have to stress about a little over $1000 in medical bills related to said hospital stays as opposed to the tens of thousands I’d otherwise be paying.

Today I am grateful to have a job that allows me to have such flexibility in my schedule.  While I will have to suffer through the lost pay from the past weeks at least I still have a job to return to.

Blessings

Mama Kelly

Written by Mama KellyTags:blog your blessings sunday, GERD, health, syncope

Well we’re back in the hospital.  A different one this time.  A larger children’s hospital.

She is still stable, but we still lack an explanation for the continued spitting up of blood.

Most of today is going to be filled with Doctors sorting through, having their own people review, & then noodling over all the test results we’ve accumulated so far. And my oh my have we accumulated test results.

From there it will be a matter of deciding what to test for next. And as we’ve ruled out the obvious … that means looking for the statistically less likely culprits.

Thank you as always to all of you who bless us by being there for us …

Thank you for holding us in your thoughts, in your prayers, in your hearts.

Thank you for the candles you light, for the comments you leave.

Brightest blessings to each and every one of you

Mama Kelly

Written by Mama KellyTags:hospital, illness

A routine follow-up at Miss Artistic’s pulmonary specialist led to an unplanned hospital admission.

We’ve been dealing with troubling symptomology for a while now – episodes of coughing up blood as well as passing out and other more vague complaints. We’ve ruled a number of things out, but there is more yet to test for. Its not a good feeling when the Doctors are as clueless as we are. It makes you wish Dr. Gregory House really existed, cantankerous nature and all.

As of right now she is in the hospital until at least Thursday. The next major test will be an endoscopy. There is also the possibility of an abdominal ultrasound, CT scans, and whatnot.

Her spirits are good, her biggest complaint being boredom. Insofar as the rest of us?

Gamer Dude & I are stressed. In addition to the fears naturally related to having a sick child and not knowing what’s wrong, there is the added stress associated with my having a job that does not provide paid time off. So what was originally going to be a week with just enough work to cover my insurance premium has turned into a week in which I won’t be at work at all.

On top of which we have Mr Grumpy’s 70th birthday dinner this Saturday, and a friend of ours coming in for the weekend as a result. So the timing is bad, especially as I still have a house to clean.

But, it will be okay. No matter what.  I have my family.  I have good friends.  I have my faith.  We’ll get through.

Blessings

Mama Kelly

cross-posted over at Blade & Cauldron

Written by Mama KellyTags:hemoptysis, hospital, illness, sick, syncope

“I’m melting! melting! Oh, what a world! What a world!”
Wicked Witch of the West, The Wizard of Oz

We’ve been in the midst of a heat wave here in our parts. Today the thermometer on the side of the house read 102 degrees – in the shade! With power and water use advisories in effect we are all simply trying to make do.

We stopped watering the lawn and are beginning to wonder how much we can get for itty bitty little bales of hay.

We are taking shorter and colder showers.

We are keeping blinds and windows closed. We are staying on the first floor. We are using oscillating fans both in place of and to boost the effectiveness of the air conditioner as much as possible.

We’re cooking on the grill, or heating up in the microwave as much as possible to avoid heating up the kitchen.

We are changing into our lightest clothing choices once we are home for the evening.

But, even that isn’t always enough.

When heads begin to throb, or when emotions run just as high as the mercury it is time for a mom to pull something special out of her back pocket.

Tonight I made the girls milkshakes. Its quick and easy and is so soothing when walking into the outside world feels like walking into your oven. Or when a long day at a summer camp that lacks a swimming pool makes your head feel like its going to pop off your neck like a pimple.

Blueberry Milkshakes

2 cups vanilla ice cream
1 cup skim milk
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1 cup frozen blueberries
1-3 tsp extra sweeetner (if needed)
4-6 frozen cherries

Put milk in blender.

Add ice cream in tablespoon fulls.

Add vanilla extract and blend until ice cream is completely incorporated into the milk.

Add blueberries a little at a time, then cherries.

Add extra sugar or other sweetener at this point only if you feel you need it (some batches of cherries/berries are sweeter than others)

Serves two very hot and cranky kids a very hearty serving.

A cool shower, a dose of Advil, and a milkshake later my Princess Nature was back to her smiley summer-girl self. And Miss Artistic got to reap the benefits as well.

Feel free to customize this to meet the needs or tastes of your family. You can replace the ice cream with Greek style yogurt, add a bit more fruit and allow it to take the place of a meal when its simply too hot to think about eating anything more substantial. You can replace the frozen berries with other frozen fruit, or make do with drained canned fruit, or fresh fruit, depending on what you have on hand. Just be sure to toss in a couple of ice cubes to keep your milkshake from turning into more of a smoothie consistency.

Stay cool, stay safe, stay well.

Blessings

Mama Kelly

cross-posted at Blade & Cauldron

Image: Salvatore Vuono / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Written by Mama KellyTags:food, heat wave, milkshake, recipe

Today finds me with another long weekend, full of unpaid time off.  I thought about going to work today and sending Gamer Dude and Miss Artistic off to the neurologist without me, but reconsidered.

First of all, it has been a terrible few days at work.  Beyond that though, of the two of us I have a better head for all things medical and as I wanted to make sure we touched on topics such as medication, risk of other family members having the Chiari malformation, and my own diagnosis with neurofibromatosis it seemed a better idea to have me there than to have Gamer Dude try go off with a list of prepared questions and an admonition to remember everything said or discussed.

We don’t really know anything more than we did before going to the appointment.  He’s ordering more MRIs (of her cervical and thorasic spine to rule out spinal cord cysts) and is going to try a daily migraine medication to see if it will help her pain levels at all.  Other than that we will go see him in a month, review all of her films and decide what, if anything, needs to be done from there (in terms of more testing, different medications, or a referral to a neurosurgeon).

Tomorrow will find us at a pulmonary specialist.  Again, I do not expect to learn anything new other than to come home with orders for other (probably somewhat more invasive) tests and perhaps a prescription of some kind.  Later in the day Gamer Dude & I have our own appointment with our GP to review our recent bloodwork, determine my need to continue on cholesterol meds, and discuss either starting hubby on one himself (or hopefully get a reprieve for a while, make more dietary changes, and test again in 3 months or so).

In between all of this we have to follow up with the Walmart vision center who is trying to convince my insurance that I really really didn’t get new eyeglasses last year and so I do deserve them, start shopping and cooking both for the week to come and the holiday weekend ahead.  And in my spare time (what’s that?) I have work yet to do on my super secret side project which will be announced right here just past midnight on June 1st.

That’s it in the proverbial nutshell.

Be well

Be blessed

Mama Kelly

Written by Mama KellyTags:chiari malformation, family, health, life

So Sunday evening found me enjoying the lingering afterglow of a lovely visit with my dear Lady Rose, a brief and uneventful visit with my extended family, and a happy teenager with a brand new hairdo.  I went off to work on Monday, tired but in a relatively good mood considering I was at the very beginning of a 40 hour week of telemarketing.

I made it to 10:30.

At this point I got a call from the school nurse informing me that Miss Artistic had passed out and vomited at school.  As Gamer Dude was at a Dr. appointment he had not gotten the phone call, so I quickly called Mr Grumpy and asked him to pick her up.  A bit later I got in touch with my husband and asked him to take Miss Artistic to her pediatrician.

Less than an hour later I got another phone call, this time Gamer Dude telling me that the Dr. wanted our daughter seen at the emergency room, and specifically NOT the one in our own community, but one almost 40 minutes away.  I told him to pick me up on the way, told my boss I was leaving, gathered my things and hurried down the stairs.

Six hours later we were leaving said ER, a little poorer, a lot more tired, and a bit confused about some brief ramblings about some odd findings on my daughter’s CT scan.

Miss Artistic’s CT scan showed” low hanging cerebellar tonsils”  Really.  The Dr. even made a joke about “bet you didn’t know your brain had tonsils? before walking off.

We were told very little other than to explain that it COULD have caused the blackout, that it could have caused the headache that preceded (and persisted beyond) it, and that it needed to be followed up with a visit to her pediatrician and an MRI.

Now, luckily (?) I am in the habit of researching diagnosed medical conditions ad nauseum. I have also been able to diagnose various conditions (accurately) in myself and my family members because of my internet habits. And so I came home and looked up the terminology the ER doctor used and found out what the hell she was talking about.

Apparently the condition we have to evaluate my daughter for is a Chiari Malformation.  We go to the pediatrician on Friday to discuss this in more depth and schedule an MRI and I will, of course, keep you all posted as we learn more.  She might not have it.  But, even if she does, there isonly a chance we are looking at surgery, so I am not letting myself “go there” yet.

In the meantime we were advised to send her to school, but keep her out of sports (ie Tae Kwon Do).

Tuesday morning came.  She didn’t want to go to school.  In the end I convinced her to go …. to make it through the day …. because she is in danger of missing so much class-time in her last period class that she might not get credit for taking it.

She didn’t.  She lasted a little more than 2 hours.

If she came home truly ill, we would’ve been fine with it.  But, she really wasn’t.  She just wanted to pull a “get out of jail free” card and have a “day off” with time to play on the computer and a friend coming over to hang out.  We refused her on both counts and she threw a tantrum.  A huge tantrum .. one of her worst yet, and that my dear readers is saying quite a bit.

Therapy was tonight and I guess we made something that you can call headway, but not easily and certainly not painfree.

So, once again, while things are not quite in full blown crisis we are at alert level orange.  My hope is to not fall into the silent abyss, but I also don’t know what tomorrow (and Friday) holds.

Blessings

Mama Kelly

Written by Mama KellyTags:chiari malformation, depression, fainting, oppositional-defiant disorder, teen, teenager

We are all still here, in spite of another dose of high-pitched drama. My nerves are frayed, in spite of my new pal Prozac, and sleep is as unrefreshing as always. In fact, after spending the entire morning at work nodding off in-between phone calls I left early, came home, and crawled into bed. My “cover story” with Mr Grumpy is that I had one of my bad headaches, took meds, and lay down for a bit. Not much of a stretch since later will probably find me taking said medications so that I can sleep in spite of my on-and-off nap.

Sad isn’t it? That at the age of 40 I am still accountable to my father for my work, sleep, and yes even my eating habits. Wait until he finds out that I need to go on cholesterol-lowering medication!!! But, I digress.

The home situation is at a stand-still and much of what is going on falls into the category of not fit for blog fodder. In fact, the bulk of it isn’t really discussed outside the home at all, unless we happen to be at the therapist’s office.

Work is the same, and while the official conversation has yet to occur I am well aware that my head is on the chopping block in terms of a pay cut. Granted, they could be “nice” and give me a warning and more time to get my stats up to their arbitrary levels, but my company is rarely nice, even more rarely fair, and is frankly most often dishonest and unrealistic.

But, again, I digress.

The weekend actually wound up being fairly productive.

Friday Gamer Dude and I had blood drawn at the Doctor’s office, went out for breakfast, and then had an hour long, fairly unproductive I.E.P. meeting at Miss Artistic’s school. I did the food shopping, ran Princess Nature over to Tae Kwon Do (where she participated in three classes in a row) and made a thoroughly unhealthy and in no way to be considered “from scratch” kind of meal.

I spent the bulk of Saturday (with Princess Nature’s help) tearing the girls’ room apart and putting it all back together. Translation …. every drawer, shelf, and piece of clothing was handled, sorted, and many many things where thrown away. And while I feel guilty about my additions to already overburdened landfills I am happy to have 3 huge lawn and leaf bags less clutter in my house.

When I wasn’t folding and hanging clothing or shaking my head at the things I found in drawers, and at the bottom of their closet I was cooking. This week we are alternating between two dishes (as opposed to my usual three). I made a monster-sized batch of my family’s recipe for Cream of Tomato Soup. I made so much that despite giving some away, and having for dinner a total of 3 times already I have no choice but to freeze a bunch of it. I also made a double batch of BBQ ribs and decided (yet again) that I need to find a really good (and cheap) recipe for BBQ sauce that doesn’t have any type of smoke flavor in it as I am tired of having to pay for the stuff.

Sunday, I took the girls out for a sharing of appetizers at the local Japanese restaurant and then to Walmart where I picked up some things we needed (itty bitty bras and underwear), some stuff so cheap I couldn’t pass up (4 Tshirts for $1 each by Miley Cyrus that are British themed and will be perfect as “disposable clothing” for summer camp) and the inevitable stuff I was either pestered or suckered into buying.

Tonight is belt testing at Tae Kwon Do and I am looking forward to going, watching, leaving, and then spending some quality time with my couch and my Hubby, though not necessarily in that order.

Blessings

Mama Kelly

Written by Mama KellyTags:family, kids, life

Princess Nibbles’ is doing alright overall.  She’s not enjoying school as much this year as she’s not too fond of her teacher, or more accurately is convinced that her teacher is not all that fond of her.  Luckily I have parent teacher conferences for her in a couple of weeks and I plan to get to the bottom of it (nicely, subtly …  I promise)

Additionally I think she’s a little overwhelmed this year with the combination of school, the gifted program, flute, and Taekwondo (especially as we go three times a week now).  But, she’s determined to do it all and while she continues to enjoy everything and keeps her grades up all we can do is let her try.

At the same time we have to watch her a bit because she tries to be perfect even though we encourage her to not be so hard on herself all the time.

On another note, she is determined to get an American Girl doll one way or another, come hell or high water, by hook or by crook, even if she has to save up the money herself.

Now don’t spoil the surprise, but odds are we will get her the one she wants for Yule/Xmas (especially as I talked her down off the ledge of wanting the even more expensive My Twinn doll with the lure of knock off costumes and accessories on Etsy).

I even promised her that once she saves up enough for her doll (cough, cough, wink wink) that I will teach her how to crochet and we will make stuff for her.

In case you’re curious we’ve settled on the Julie doll, mainly due to her hippie wardrobe and long (very long) blonde hair, both of which Princess Nibbles approved of.

My main concern, aside from the frightening expense (somewhat offset by the fact that I know their dolls’ quality), is that I know how fleeting this adoration will last being as that she’s just turned 10.

Oh well.  When I think about how much money I’ve wasted at the holidays each year on gifts that were used a couple of times (or only once) before finding a home in the bottom of a toy box, a doll she’ll adore for a year or two probably isn’t all that bad a deal.

Blessings

Mama Kelly

Written by Mama KellyTags:American Girl, children, Christmas

It’s been a long week.

Miss Artistic is having a rough time of it.  Not only is her depression in a spike again (related to some new and disturbing revelations that trace back to the days she was missing 2 years ago) but we are again, as we are each and every bloody year, dealing with poor academic performance due to late or simply missing homework assignments, projects, and whatnot.

I had a meeting last week with her guidance counselor and then this week were the parent-teacher conferences which, for the most part, were one just like another.  How bright and sweet and creative, etc. they think she is and how frustrated each and every one of them is over her inability and unwillingness to get it together so she can reach her true potential.

Now I am not trying to make it seem like she can just start off next marking period and get straight A’s (though she is academically capable of it) but I’d like to see her trying a little harder than she is.

I’d also like to see her lose the attitude – the lovely teenage one that involves eye-rolling, huffs, sighs, and exclamations of everything from “so?” and “why do you care?” to my all time favorite “get over it!.”

On the bright side …

Both girls tested for their next level in Taekwondo and are the proud owners of their high blue belts.

We have a function this weekend with our fellow school families which should be a lot of fun (although much too crowded for my taste) especially as there are raffles (I splurged on 28 tickets over the past month) and demos by the Masters.  The girls’ main instructor is supposedly going to be breaking blocks of concrete.

Hope you each have a fun weekend.

Blessings

Mama Kelly

PS my laptop is still down, but it is next in line for a trip to the repair shop once the girls’ machine comes home, thus postings will be irregular at best

Written by Mama KellyTags:parenting, school, teenagers