“Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you don’t let show”
- Lean on Me, Bill Withers

I am so behind.

On my clutter control.
On my bill paying.
On my blogging.
On visits with friends & family.
On plans for turning Blade & Cauldron into a home business.

The summer has gone by in a flash while we deal with Miss Artistic. Her health issues … her mental health issues. Right now she is in an intensive outpatient program. She will continue to be there for at least a month into the school year while they provide an academic component.

This “cushion” of time will give us the opportunity to send a new request to the Superintendent of Schools for out of district placement. And, if we are again denied, have a long sit-down with her present high school to lay out a more aggressive plan to help Miss Artistic have a more successful year. Lady Rose’s husband Teacherman has offered to be our advocate in all of this and I am sorry to say that we will need his help as our district (or so we have been told) is notorious for fighting any request for these kinds of services.

This whole experience has been very humbling in that it is forcing me, us, to accept offers of help. Friends who have offered their time, their energies, their money … to help us help our daughter get well. And while I would offer my own help to any of them in a heartbeat, it is so hard to let go of the voices that speak to me in debasing whispers about what it says about me to need their support. It’s a lesson I’m still working on learning.

Blessings to each of you who has offered your help. To those who have lit candles or simply held us in your thoughts. It means more than I can ever say.

Blessings

Mama Kelly

“If there is a load you have to bear
That you can’t carry
I’m right up the road
I’ll share your load
If you just call me”
- Lean on Me, Bill Withers

Buy it at Amazon – Lean On Me (Glee Cast Version)

Written by Mama KellyTags:depression, family, life, mental illness

… head on over to Blade & Cauldron

Image: Francesco Marino / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Written by Mama Kelly

Today I am grateful that after not one, but two separate hospital stays, that Miss Artistc is not only home, but with a diagnosis.

Today I am grateful that after investigating obvious answers, and then some really scary possibilities as well, that her diagnosis is nothing more serious than GERD and vasovagal syncope (usually triggered by exertion (think Tae Kwon Do) or coughing (think asthma and acid reflux)).

Today I am grateful that helping her get better involves nothing more than adding a new medication to her regimen and making changes to her diet and lifestyle.

Today I am grateful for having health insurance I can barely afford so that I only have to stress about a little over $1000 in medical bills related to said hospital stays as opposed to the tens of thousands I’d otherwise be paying.

Today I am grateful to have a job that allows me to have such flexibility in my schedule.  While I will have to suffer through the lost pay from the past weeks at least I still have a job to return to.

Blessings

Mama Kelly

Written by Mama KellyTags:blog your blessings sunday, GERD, health, syncope

Well we’re back in the hospital.  A different one this time.  A larger children’s hospital.

She is still stable, but we still lack an explanation for the continued spitting up of blood.

Most of today is going to be filled with Doctors sorting through, having their own people review, & then noodling over all the test results we’ve accumulated so far. And my oh my have we accumulated test results.

From there it will be a matter of deciding what to test for next. And as we’ve ruled out the obvious … that means looking for the statistically less likely culprits.

Thank you as always to all of you who bless us by being there for us …

Thank you for holding us in your thoughts, in your prayers, in your hearts.

Thank you for the candles you light, for the comments you leave.

Brightest blessings to each and every one of you

Mama Kelly

Written by Mama KellyTags:hospital, illness

A routine follow-up at Miss Artistic’s pulmonary specialist led to an unplanned hospital admission.

We’ve been dealing with troubling symptomology for a while now – episodes of coughing up blood as well as passing out and other more vague complaints. We’ve ruled a number of things out, but there is more yet to test for. Its not a good feeling when the Doctors are as clueless as we are. It makes you wish Dr. Gregory House really existed, cantankerous nature and all.

As of right now she is in the hospital until at least Thursday. The next major test will be an endoscopy. There is also the possibility of an abdominal ultrasound, CT scans, and whatnot.

Her spirits are good, her biggest complaint being boredom. Insofar as the rest of us?

Gamer Dude & I are stressed. In addition to the fears naturally related to having a sick child and not knowing what’s wrong, there is the added stress associated with my having a job that does not provide paid time off. So what was originally going to be a week with just enough work to cover my insurance premium has turned into a week in which I won’t be at work at all.

On top of which we have Mr Grumpy’s 70th birthday dinner this Saturday, and a friend of ours coming in for the weekend as a result. So the timing is bad, especially as I still have a house to clean.

But, it will be okay. No matter what.  I have my family.  I have good friends.  I have my faith.  We’ll get through.

Blessings

Mama Kelly

cross-posted over at Blade & Cauldron

Written by Mama KellyTags:hemoptysis, hospital, illness, sick, syncope

Today I am grateful for a mostly restful weekend. I cooked like a fiend on Saturday and slept just awful last night, but overall I feel like my sleep debt is a good bit lower than it was on Friday.

Today I am grateful for feeding my family for another holiday. I have making my own BBQ sauce down to an art form. I made real whipped cream with honey and vanilla extract – which was met with smiles, especially as I let the girls lick the beaters. Neither cost a lot of money, only a little more effort than I might otherwise put into it.

Today I am grateful for going out to see the local fireworks display. The girls really enjoyed it. I really enjoyed it. Its become a lovely family tradition. I am also grateful to have taken a few minutes to sit, along with Gamer Dude, in the back TV room with Mr Grumpy to watch the end of the Boston Pop’s Fireworks Display on the television. Absolutely breathtaking!!

But, today, most of all, I am grateful for my freedom. I may hide in the proverbial broom closet, but I am free to claim my own faith. I may not be able to always speak my mind in my own home, but I can say what I think, and feel, and believe and not worry about being punished or imprisoned for them. Not everyone in the world can say that. I am grateful to all of those who ever fought, or still fight; who laid down their lives, or who are/were willing to; to those who serve and guard and protect so that the only explosions I had to worry about seeing overhead evoked awe with their beauty, rather than terror over their destruction.

Blessed be

Mama Kelly

Written by Mama KellyTags:blog your blessings sunday, gratitude, Independence Day, july 4th

Today I am grateful for the impetus of a visit from our dear friend “E” and my hosting of a Slumber Parties party for Lady Rose this weekend. As a result my downstairs is cleaner and less cluttered than it has been in ages.

Today I am grateful for said visit from “E”. It was shorter than originally planned, but filled with love and laughter. The best part is knowing that she’s coming back up in 3 weeks to join us in celebrating Mr Grumpy’s 70th birthday party.

Today I am grateful for my Slumber Parties party. I was a little disappointed that so few people showed up. But, fun was had by all, and more importantly it served as a good first run through for Lady Rose. I hope to hold another one in the Fall, and I may actually invite family to that one (gods helps me). If you live in the Central NJ/Philadelphia area and are interested in hosting a party of your own just give Lady Rose a holler.

Today I am grateful for 2 nights in a row of more sleep than I’ve managed to get in a couple of weeks. Unfortunately, I’ve had a migraine since yesterday morning. But, I am grateful that I have medication that helps control it.

Today I am grateful to have finally gotten Miss Artistic in her own room. There is still more to buy, and more decorating/organizing to do. But, it’s truly wonderful to see her so happy about something.

Blessings

Mama Kelly

Written by Mama KellyTags:blog your blessings sunday, gratitude

As our regular readers know, the family and I live with my dad.

It came about as a temporary measure nearly 9 years ago for a number of reasons and just gradually became permanent. Dad’s house has three bedrooms and a bath on the second floor. When we moved in this because like an apartment for us. Gamer Dude & I in one room, the girls sharing a bedroom, and the third bedroom became our TV room.

As the girls got older this setup has worked less and less.

1. We couldn’t all fit comfortably on the one couch anymore. With both girls over 5? now (as well as Gamer Dude & I being a bit fluffy) a three-seater is just too crowded.
2. The room the girls shared was too small for the job. Causing much in the way of clutter, as well as:
3. Miss Artistic’s mood disorder makes it even more important for them to each have their own space.
4. As my dad gets older we are making an effort to spend more time downstairs, because you just never know how much time you have left with someone.
5. as well as:

* door slamming
* yelling
* otherwise normal and standard pre-teen & teenage angst
* and much in the way of clothing crises of varying sizes and shapes

Back in the summer of 1991 when we moved in the girls were so young. Miss Artistic was 6 1/2 and Princess Nature was going on 2.

Now we have a young woman living with us, turning 16 before we hit 2011. (I met my husband at her age!) I am amazed to watch her evolve.

Our younger daughter is turning 11 in the Fall. She is on the cusp of little girl. Still clinging to it while at the same time yearning for what lies ahead.

Was it a sacrifice to give up the TV room? Frankly? Yes.

My husband enjoyed our private evenings. For now were hiding in our bedroom watching TV on the laptop. But that too will go away as it doesn’t really work for the long run.

Miss Artistic slept last night on her old bed in a room all her own. She barely remembers being able to do that.

Tucked into bed like I used to so long ago.

A room painted in shades of orange to compliment the color of her late grandmother’s drafting table. The one we gave her because she’s such a gifted artist.

A room yet to be fully decorated or accessorized, but its hers. And it makes her so happy that anything I may have given up on will be worth it … is worth it. I hope she realizes that she is worth it.

Blessings

Mama Kelly

cross posted over at Blade & Cauldron

Written by Mama KellyTags:family, home, kids, life

Today I am grateful for a restful weekend. After the stress of the past weeks it was bliss to catch up on sleep, skip my usual once a week cooking (don’t ask what we’re eating as a result because frankly I just don’t know) and recharge my batteries.

Today I am grateful for my friend “E” coming over this coming Friday. As she lives about 4 hours away we only see her a couple of times a year. As an added plus, I am hosting a Slumber Parties party for Lady Rose’s new business venture. Saturday will find me, “E”, Lady Rose, and a group of ladies from my workplace drinking, noshing, and laughing our asses off.

But, most of all today I am grateful for 2 men in my life.

For Gamer Dude … for all the love he gives our girls. For how demonstrative he is with his affection. How hard he tries to make good memories for them even in stressful times.

For Mr Grumpy. Who, despite all the reasons he is dubbed thus, opened his home to us and has allowed us to live here for nearly a decade. Who, shows his love not in words, or hugs, but in deeds. Replacing windows … patching walls … etc.

Happy Father’s Day everybody

Blessings

Mama Kelly

Written by Mama KellyTags:blog your blessings sunday, gratitude

By now Lady Rose is enjoying the wonderful place that is Womongathering. I hope it is even more wonderful for her than our joint venture there was two years ago. Just my own perusal of the workshops available this year have my literally drooling over the possibilities for the next time that I can find my way there (and perhaps with other friends in tow, including “M” and “E” both of whom have been part of my life for years and years), and yes I do intend to get there again!

I can’t wait for Lady Rose’s return and to read her posts about her experiences, the classes she attends, and all the fun she has. I get to see her on the 12th for one of our semi-usual overnight visits and I’ll get even more details then as well, in between our usual silliness, and our planning of my hosting of a Slumber Parties party for her later this month.

In other news, things are pretty much status quo. Miss Artistic has a chest MRA tomorrow. My side project seems to have been met with a warm reception and I look forward to what it represents not only as the seed of a home business, but as the first step on the journey of creating the life that I (and Gamer Dude aka Accolan) want.

I rarely have time for spell-work. I even more rarely have space and privacy for any form of formal ritual. Some days I feel like the Pagan version of an A&P Catholic. But, at the end of the day it is still the God & Goddess I pray to. I believe that we are not given a dream without also being given the ability to see it bear fruit (in some way shape or form).

This weekend should find us working on the first of the inventory we need to compile in order for Blade & Cauldron to be a business, and not just another blog. So, a lot is going on – some good, some worrisome – but in the end I have hope … no, I have faith that it will all be alright in the end.

May it go well for you and yours

Blessings

Mama Kelly

(also known as Jia and also writing at Blade & Cauldron)

Written by Mama KellyTags:family, health, life, womongathering