I just need a friend, don't get me wrong, I have friends but no one to be as honest as I am about to be with you. No one I feel may understand. I have lost my faith. In my hayday I was a mighty powerful witch. I could heal, I could read tarot cards, I could help anyone who saught me out to help them. Now I have fibromyalgia, arthritis, bursitis, facets disease, 4 bulged discs and degenerative disc disease. If you know what fibromyalgia is then you realize I have no energy, I have no job, like you I was a telemarketer for goodness, it was going on five years. I am only 25 by the way. I still believe in the gods. I believe they are good and they have my back, but I can't feel it anymore. I used to feel the magick in my hands when I would just think about doing a spell or a ritual to bring me closer to the goddess and god. Now I can't think of a thing to say. The pain is becoming unbareable. I don't really know how much longer I can handle this. I've been sick sick for 4 years now and I have two beautiful daughters. The one can't remember me playing like a normal parent and the other is so young and I can't be a normal parent. I have tried many meds to help but I can't get out of my depression. My stepdad has been paying all our bills, my boyfirend is in the same boat as me except he keeps constant migraines and his hands don't wanna work right anymore. Now my stepdad is getting sick cuz of stress and I can't do anything right anymore. My life is spiraling out of control and i have no way to stop this stupid ride. I used to cross stitch and crochet. I used to laugh. I am just a mere shell of a person. I can't even bear to smile anymore. I feel like my sanity is slipping away and I am just going crazy. From all the stress I get more sore, I chew my fingers down at least three layers without even noticing it. I dig at my scalp and have huge sores and don't notice I'm doing it.

I just want to be my old self again. How do you propose a girl like me go about getting her faith back. I want to feel as close to the gods as I once was. I want to get all tingly just thinking about what spell I can cook up. I want to be able to read my cards again. I want to reconnect. I just can't seem to figure out how. I sure hope you answer me. I am below rock bottom. I feel as though I must have done something wrong in my life to have been given this much pain. I honestly don't think anyone would even notice I am gone.