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So the other day found me in Walgreens.  I had to pick up a couple of birthday cards for Princess Nibbles who will be turning 10 tomorrow.  As I perused the “daughter” cards I kept getting all misty and not in a good way …. in that “I’m so depressed I could just curl up right here and cry” kind of way.

The feeling has been with me for a couple of days now and I finally put my finger on the problem – it’s October.

Now, regular readers of this blog will know that I really hate October.  Most of it is what I can only describe as PTSD.  Now this is not an official diagnosis and I mean no disrespect to those who suffer from the syndrome, but its the simplest way I can describe what this time of year does to me.

It brings back a slew of bad memories of Octobers past ranging from suffering a miscarriage, to almost losing Princess Nibbles to a placental abruption, to almost losing Miss Artistic when she ran away 2 years ago, to sitting holding my mother’s hand as she lost her battle with pancreatic cancer and drew her last breath.  There are also lesser evils that I associate with this month, including a roommate sleeping with a boyfriend of mine an eon ago, and other family members who have passed, and miscellaneous sorrows and disappointments.

The result is that I spend most of October trying to ignore the date on the calendar (other than the aforementioned birthday and Samhain) and hold my breath until November.

And so I tend to well up at odd moments, like watching “feel good” commercials and reading through saccharine sweet greeting cards.

I know myself well enough to know that by the time I wake up on Halloween morning and prepare to fill my cauldron with candy and don my Mrs. Wesley outfit I will be over it and ready to take on the holiday season by storm.

Its just a matter of waiting it out and knowing that every year gets a little easier.

Blessings

Mama Kelly

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