“Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don’t know your direction doesn’t mean you don’t have one.” Battlestar Gallactica

My “dark night of the soul” is something I’ve touched on from time to time as long as I’ve been blogging.  I make no secret of the fact that I am, overall, dissatisfied with many aspects of my life.

I have made the analogy to my state of mind as being much like being on a rowboat in the middle of  a lake so large that there is no land in sight regardless of what direction you look in.  You are without oars, rudders, or any way to know for certain which direction will bring you to safe, dry land.

At first it seems best to simply sit and wait, hoping that eventually the winds or currents will push you in one direction or another, but as time goes by you realize that you’re still sitting in the same spot, bobbing up and down, going nowhere.  The longer you sit you realize that you’re developing blisters on your butt from sitting so long and you’ve run out of nourishment.

At some point you realize that it is time to pick a direction and just get moving.  At some point it becomes obvious that even if it means taking a risk, even if it means getting soaked to the skin, catching pneumonia, and being downright miserable for a long time that it is better that remaining stagnant.

And so I’ve resumed journaling in a paper and pen format.  I’m trying to dig through the muck and find the gems I know are still hidden deep within the monotony of my life.  I’m trying to figure out where I want to go and who I want to be.  And while I know that Wicca is still the faith I call home, while I still expect to call myself a Witch for as long as I draw breath, I know that I need to change how I live my life.

I’m not quite swimming yet, but I’m no longer sitting in my boat waiting to see where the waters take me.

Its progress!

Blessings

Mama Kelly

“Not all who wander are lost” JRR Tolkein, The Lord of the Rings

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