Most of my recent silence has been an upswing in my depression. As 40 draws closer my disappointment with what I have been able to accomplish in my life – or more accurately how much I haven’t yet been able to accomplish – is truly dragging my spirit down and causing me to withdraw further from life outside my home and my place of work. Additionally, I am finding that I am losing motivation to do any work here on the blog or on the book I still dream of writing. In short, my funk has turned into a pit I have fallen into.

The result is that I spend most of my computer time mindlessly surfing, playing games, and hanging out on Facebook. In other words I am merely killing time and it has to stop. I have to find some means of rejoining life and working on improving my lot – one step at a time, one day at a time. In fact I may take a ride to Barnes & Noble to pick up a new pen & paper journal so I can resume some inner work and hopefully find my way back to myself.

I do not plan to leave the internet behind, however. I just have to change how i use it and to get myself more organized with how I spend my time.

One friend that I reconnected to thanks to FB belongs to a local Sweet Adeline’s Chorus which I may look into joining when and if issues with Miss Artistic ever settle down enough for me to be able to make promises in terms of regularly attending practices as well as performances.

But, the true joy of my heart right now are the friend’s I have reconnected with (no insult to you guys I met when I moved to NJ) are friends I’ve known from my days living on Staten Island. One woman who I’ve known since I was 4 or 5, and other friends that hubby and I share, in fact he knew some of them first and it was through them that we met.

Getting back in touch with these people was a true gift for me and I hope to reconnect with all of them in person over the coming months.

One of them who I will refer to as JD is going today for a procedure to hopefully find her with a positive pregnancy test in 10-14 days. If you could send a good thought, light a candle, I would appreciate it. We have a little beeswax tea light candle (that I’ve had since Lady Rose took Gamer Dude & I to the PA Renaissance Festival last year) burning on my bookshelf altar right now so if you want to use that candle as your focal point I’m sure your energies will find their way to the proper recipient.

In any case I hope to be back to your regularly scheduled programing soon. I hope to get myself back on track with this blog, with writing, with more contests and hopefully surprises I haven’t even come up with yet.

I wish you all the blessings of beautiful days ahead.

Mama Kelly

• Tis Better To Light a Candle...

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