With the approach of Memorial Day and a dear friend in the process of being shipped overseas in the coming months we have revisited in our house the concept of bravery.  Nothing too indepth, but simply the reminder that bravery is not the lack of fear, but the ability to do what must be done in spite of fear.

So this thought was simmering in the back of my brain right along with the dread anticipation of my 40th birthday and what I want the second part of my life to look like when I went over to Audacia Muliebris to catch up on what she’s been up to.

This past Thursday she wrote:

… the implication was that our resistance was a form of denial of our true potential as artists; of being comfortable with the (unhappy) status quo and being unwilling to change. And that if we were going to change, we had to soldier through, and it is absolutely imperative that we keep it up, every day, every week …

And while she was speaking about a daily writing excercise (one I keep meaning to do myself by the way) it definitely resonated within me and was just as much a message from the Divine, from the Lord & Lady, as if I had heard them whispering within me.  And while these words took her to a different path, the message I heard was loud and clear for where I am in my own life.

There is a truth in “being comfortable with the (unhappy) status quo.”  Or more accurately being afraid that the unknown, while it could be world’s better, could turn out to be far worse than what we are currently able to find the will to plod through.

There is also a truth in that this mortal life, this incarnation, is too short to do much simply because you feel you should, or that you must (outside of what is truly necessary to meet your needs, the needs of those you are responsible for, to keep yourself fed and safe and healthy, etc).

But the biggest truth is her post, for me at least, is that if I can find the will to soldier through in a home environment that does not nurture me, in a work environment that sucks my soul dry, with not “enough” to always meet my needs and certainly not enough to feed my dreams, than I can find the will to do the work to live the life I truly want.

Of course getting from here to there is not a clear path.  The last time things felt this stagnated and this tangled I cast a spell and got a phone call a few days later from Gamer Dude which wreaked a bit of havoc in his life but created a situation that led him back north and back into my life.

So its not that I doubt that magic can transform my life, its not that I doubt that it might be just the thing to help create the environment that will help me find my way out of my little boat, bobbing on the water, and back onto dry land again, it is, instead, a worry about the havoc that might be necessary to achieve that end.

Because, I know that so much has to change before the life I dream of can even have a chance at being made real.  What I have to decide what I am more afraid of – the possibility of temporary chaos or living life in the same fashion for a long time to come.

In the meantime, friends that I have recently reconnected with and I are planning to work together in an act of spellworking.  The details are still being ironed out but I know, without doubt, that this is a step in the right direction.

Blessings

Mama Kelly

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