“Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you don’t let show”
- Lean on Me, Bill Withers

I am so behind.

On my clutter control.
On my bill paying.
On my blogging.
On visits with friends & family.
On plans for turning Blade & Cauldron into a home business.

The summer has gone by in a flash while we deal with Miss Artistic. Her health issues … her mental health issues. Right now she is in an intensive outpatient program. She will continue to be there for at least a month into the school year while they provide an academic component.

This “cushion” of time will give us the opportunity to send a new request to the Superintendent of Schools for out of district placement. And, if we are again denied, have a long sit-down with her present high school to lay out a more aggressive plan to help Miss Artistic have a more successful year. Lady Rose’s husband Teacherman has offered to be our advocate in all of this and I am sorry to say that we will need his help as our district (or so we have been told) is notorious for fighting any request for these kinds of services.

This whole experience has been very humbling in that it is forcing me, us, to accept offers of help. Friends who have offered their time, their energies, their money … to help us help our daughter get well. And while I would offer my own help to any of them in a heartbeat, it is so hard to let go of the voices that speak to me in debasing whispers about what it says about me to need their support. It’s a lesson I’m still working on learning.

Blessings to each of you who has offered your help. To those who have lit candles or simply held us in your thoughts. It means more than I can ever say.

Blessings

Mama Kelly

“If there is a load you have to bear
That you can’t carry
I’m right up the road
I’ll share your load
If you just call me”
- Lean on Me, Bill Withers

Buy it at Amazon – Lean On Me (Glee Cast Version)

Written by Mama KellyTags:depression, family, life, mental illness

As our regular readers know, the family and I live with my dad.

It came about as a temporary measure nearly 9 years ago for a number of reasons and just gradually became permanent. Dad’s house has three bedrooms and a bath on the second floor. When we moved in this because like an apartment for us. Gamer Dude & I in one room, the girls sharing a bedroom, and the third bedroom became our TV room.

As the girls got older this setup has worked less and less.

1. We couldn’t all fit comfortably on the one couch anymore. With both girls over 5? now (as well as Gamer Dude & I being a bit fluffy) a three-seater is just too crowded.
2. The room the girls shared was too small for the job. Causing much in the way of clutter, as well as:
3. Miss Artistic’s mood disorder makes it even more important for them to each have their own space.
4. As my dad gets older we are making an effort to spend more time downstairs, because you just never know how much time you have left with someone.
5. as well as:

* door slamming
* yelling
* otherwise normal and standard pre-teen & teenage angst
* and much in the way of clothing crises of varying sizes and shapes

Back in the summer of 1991 when we moved in the girls were so young. Miss Artistic was 6 1/2 and Princess Nature was going on 2.

Now we have a young woman living with us, turning 16 before we hit 2011. (I met my husband at her age!) I am amazed to watch her evolve.

Our younger daughter is turning 11 in the Fall. She is on the cusp of little girl. Still clinging to it while at the same time yearning for what lies ahead.

Was it a sacrifice to give up the TV room? Frankly? Yes.

My husband enjoyed our private evenings. For now were hiding in our bedroom watching TV on the laptop. But that too will go away as it doesn’t really work for the long run.

Miss Artistic slept last night on her old bed in a room all her own. She barely remembers being able to do that.

Tucked into bed like I used to so long ago.

A room painted in shades of orange to compliment the color of her late grandmother’s drafting table. The one we gave her because she’s such a gifted artist.

A room yet to be fully decorated or accessorized, but its hers. And it makes her so happy that anything I may have given up on will be worth it … is worth it. I hope she realizes that she is worth it.

Blessings

Mama Kelly

cross posted over at Blade & Cauldron

Written by Mama KellyTags:family, home, kids, life

By now Lady Rose is enjoying the wonderful place that is Womongathering. I hope it is even more wonderful for her than our joint venture there was two years ago. Just my own perusal of the workshops available this year have my literally drooling over the possibilities for the next time that I can find my way there (and perhaps with other friends in tow, including “M” and “E” both of whom have been part of my life for years and years), and yes I do intend to get there again!

I can’t wait for Lady Rose’s return and to read her posts about her experiences, the classes she attends, and all the fun she has. I get to see her on the 12th for one of our semi-usual overnight visits and I’ll get even more details then as well, in between our usual silliness, and our planning of my hosting of a Slumber Parties party for her later this month.

In other news, things are pretty much status quo. Miss Artistic has a chest MRA tomorrow. My side project seems to have been met with a warm reception and I look forward to what it represents not only as the seed of a home business, but as the first step on the journey of creating the life that I (and Gamer Dude aka Accolan) want.

I rarely have time for spell-work. I even more rarely have space and privacy for any form of formal ritual. Some days I feel like the Pagan version of an A&P Catholic. But, at the end of the day it is still the God & Goddess I pray to. I believe that we are not given a dream without also being given the ability to see it bear fruit (in some way shape or form).

This weekend should find us working on the first of the inventory we need to compile in order for Blade & Cauldron to be a business, and not just another blog. So, a lot is going on – some good, some worrisome – but in the end I have hope … no, I have faith that it will all be alright in the end.

May it go well for you and yours

Blessings

Mama Kelly

(also known as Jia and also writing at Blade & Cauldron)

Written by Mama KellyTags:family, health, life, womongathering

Mama Kelly’s super secret side project is finally ready to be revealed ….

Come one, Come All

to the grand opening

of

Blade & Cauldron

Written by Mama KellyTags:family, new blog, pagan

Miss Artistic saw the pulmonary specialist today.  First and foremost I really really like the man.  Very much on his game, great bedside manner, good sense of humor.  They did a breathing test – a Spirometry – and diagnosed her with asthma based on the results.

We came home with samples of 3 meds (a daily inhaler, a rescue inhaler, and a nasal spray for allergies) that she is to start on. Including the headache medication she started also tonight, this brings her daily medication total up to 8.

Don’t even get me started on how much all these meds cost (or will cost) us each month.

She also has to get some more tests done. As I mentioned yesterday she has to go for an MRI for the neurologist, but now the pulmonary specialist wants her to get a chest MRA as well.

I will of course keep you all posted …

In other news, Gamer Dude & I had our follow up with our GP this afternoon. He is officially down 29 pounds and I am down 17. His triglycerides are still high but our Doctor is willing to let him come back in 4 months for a recheck and have us try using Omega Fatty Acids in the meantime. My own cholesterol numbers are greatly improved, but he is keeping me on medication at least until my own followup blood work in November.

We also discussed the results of my sleep study which show issues with my sleep architecture. In layman’s terms I am sleeping, but am failing to get enough deep sleep or REM. Additionally, because Chiari malformations can run in families (and I have the “right” type of headache to make such speculation logical) he is ordering an MRA of the brain for me.

I plan to enjoy my food this weekend. I am preparing lighter fare than we generally consume on a summertime holiday weekend, of course, but I plan to give myself permission to enjoy myself and then as of Tuesday I will be tweaking the eating plan to get myself off of the plateau Ive been sitting on for the last couple of weeks. But this weekend I am going to enjoy the first weekend of “summer” and time with my family and 3 days in a row that don’t require that I set my alarm clock.

May you enjoy your weekends as well.

Blessings

Mama Kelly

Written by Mama KellyTags:family, health, kids

Today finds me with another long weekend, full of unpaid time off.  I thought about going to work today and sending Gamer Dude and Miss Artistic off to the neurologist without me, but reconsidered.

First of all, it has been a terrible few days at work.  Beyond that though, of the two of us I have a better head for all things medical and as I wanted to make sure we touched on topics such as medication, risk of other family members having the Chiari malformation, and my own diagnosis with neurofibromatosis it seemed a better idea to have me there than to have Gamer Dude try go off with a list of prepared questions and an admonition to remember everything said or discussed.

We don’t really know anything more than we did before going to the appointment.  He’s ordering more MRIs (of her cervical and thorasic spine to rule out spinal cord cysts) and is going to try a daily migraine medication to see if it will help her pain levels at all.  Other than that we will go see him in a month, review all of her films and decide what, if anything, needs to be done from there (in terms of more testing, different medications, or a referral to a neurosurgeon).

Tomorrow will find us at a pulmonary specialist.  Again, I do not expect to learn anything new other than to come home with orders for other (probably somewhat more invasive) tests and perhaps a prescription of some kind.  Later in the day Gamer Dude & I have our own appointment with our GP to review our recent bloodwork, determine my need to continue on cholesterol meds, and discuss either starting hubby on one himself (or hopefully get a reprieve for a while, make more dietary changes, and test again in 3 months or so).

In between all of this we have to follow up with the Walmart vision center who is trying to convince my insurance that I really really didn’t get new eyeglasses last year and so I do deserve them, start shopping and cooking both for the week to come and the holiday weekend ahead.  And in my spare time (what’s that?) I have work yet to do on my super secret side project which will be announced right here just past midnight on June 1st.

That’s it in the proverbial nutshell.

Be well

Be blessed

Mama Kelly

Written by Mama KellyTags:chiari malformation, family, health, life

Things here are status quo.

I am still coping with the remnants of this sinus issue.  But, on the bright side, it is the second time this calendar year that I have managed to beat it without resorting to antibiotics.  Granted, I missed 12 hours last week, but at least that wasn’t on top of the cost of a Dr. visit and prescriptions.

Tomorrow is a half-day at work.  I work late Monday through Thursday so I can leave at 2 on Friday and still accumulate my 40 hours.  It gives me the opportunity to get my food shopping done while its still early in the day and feel like I have a full weekend, even if I do spend most of Saturday cooking.

This upcoming week’s menu includes:

• roasted asparagus
• saffron rice with peas
• General’s Tofu
• Bean Quesedillas
• Pasta Primavera
• a Cod & Shrimp dish I make (yet to be named)
• something lentil based for Gamer Dude’s lunches

Miss Artistic is still giving us the same grief in terms of schoolwork, grades, & homework.  Additionally, her issues with depression & oppositional-defiant disorder are in a flare as well.  As a result, we have stepped up her therapy sessions, tweaked her medications, and are starting the process of looking into transferring her to an alternative high school as of September.

Princess Nature is doing really well, all things considered.  Her sister’s issues affect her more and more as time goes by & as a result she is going to start coming to some of our therapy session (they are half-family and half-just Miss Artistic).  While her older sister has slacked off enough to miss belt testing this time around, Princess Nature is set to earn her red belt next week.

In other news, my new laptop has been ordered and will be here by the middle of May at the very latest.  Once that arrives my blogging frequency should return to its former levels.

Blessings

Mama Kelly

PS The super secret side project I am working on is still set to be “open” as of June 1st.  Recipes will play a role, that is all I’m going to say for right now.

Written by Mama KellyTags:family, life, update

I know three posts in as many days …. it’s almost like the old days.  This is what happens when I sit down and write my posts ahead like a good little blogging Witch.

Anyway, as I’ve been writing, I am determined to simplify our lives and live healthier.  What I have yet to share is that Princess Nature is bound and determined to go vegetarian.

I was vegetarian for about three years back in my early twenties.  I went back to eating meat while pregnant with Miss artistic and never really looked back.  Over the years Gamer Dude and I have talked about the merits of decreasing the amount of flesh foods in our diet, but I’ve never really had the gumption to act on it.

Having promised Princess Nature that she can follow her conscience come summer, and with the knowledge that we can all stand to eat healthier (especially me with my lousy high cholesterol), I am gradually adding vegetarian fare to our weekly meals.

Two of our meals this week will be meat based.  I roasted two chickens from the freezer, which will be served with homemade gravy and vegetable sides.

The rest of the week however will be meat free.

I made a batch of Kosheri.  Its a mix of lentils, rice, and pasta served topped with a tangy spicy tomato sauce and caramelized onions.  I’ve made this before, and for the most part it was enjoyed by all.  This time I added some drained canned corn to add some crisp texture and some bright color.  I made what I thought was enough for two meals and it might last more like four!

I also made a batch of Bainghan Bartha,  Indian curried eggplant.  I used 4 large eggplants and 8 tomatoes, but it made less than I was anticipating, but as it is meant to be served over rice (and odds are Mr Grumpy won’t even taste it) I can manage two dinners out of it.  This was my first attempt at this dish and I found that had to add more spices than the recipe called for (and toss in some peas) to approximate the taste of when we’ve had it “out.”

I have no clue what I’ll make next week.  Its time to dust off my vegetarian cookbooks and experiment I guess.

Blessings

Mama Kelly

Written by Mama KellyTags:cooking, family, food, meals, meat-free, vegetarian

… or even Witches so often go awry.

Friday was a run-around day.  I worked my usual half-day and went food shopping.  Just like my trip to the health food store I was shocked by how quickly my budget winds up increasing just because I’m cooking and eating healthier.  And then there were a number of errands to run, including one of Miss Artistic’s doctor appointments.

The plan Saturday was to do my once-a-week cooking once the kids were home from art class and flute lessons.  It was a miserable day outside, so it seemed like a perfect day to be in front of a hot stove, unfortunately right in the middle of my cooking the power went out … and stayed out.

We decided after a couple of hours to go out to eat, since we had no way to heat up anything.  We drove to one restaurant, 20 minutes away, to find that they had lost power, lost a backup generator, and running water and weren’t taking customers.  We drove to a second restaurant, found out the wait was 45 minutes, and kept driving.  We drove around, all told, for over an hour and a half.  Every place we tried was either closed due tot he black-out or way too busy.  In the end we made 8:30 reservations, came home for a bathroom break, and headed out to eat.

We got home after 10:00, sent the kids to bed with glow-sticks, and read by flashlight until we gave up and went to sleep ourselves.  The power came back up in the middle of the night and so luckily I was able to do my once-a-week cooking today instead.

The moods in the house are pretty lousy.  Pain levels are high with all of the rain, Miss Artistic is in the throes of PMS which only exacerbate her ongoing issues.  Tomorrow is another day though … right?

Blessings

Mama Kelly

Written by Mama KellyTags:family, life

As usual, when I am feeling soul-sick, my blog posts dwindle down to the level of little to nothing. For that, I apologize. This is exacerbated by, as Lady Rose mentioned, the lack of a laptop which lessens the time I have to actually sit down and blog. Hopefully, in another couple of months this will be resolved (if nothing else I hope to be able to do it for my birthday in June)

Unfortunately, there are a number of other things that take precedence. There are the family issues to still resolve, the monthly medical bills (a total of 9 prescriptions (and counting) for 3 people, doctor visits, and therapy sessions), getting the taxes done, and hopefully getting a resume together at some point so I can look for a better job.

We first need to do some costly repairs on the car, we need to finally break down and purchase a second vehicle (so that I CAN actually look for another job), and we need to take care of some other impending expenses such as registering Princess Nature for summer camp.

In addition, I am still in the midst of playing catch up with my health. In addition to starting Prozac, I am now also on a cholesterol lowering drug. I went in for my eye exam (and am now the proud owner of a script for bifocals) and will be getting my eyeglasses in mid-April. My sleep study is set for the end of the month and I am trying to make peace with the knowledge that I may just wind up needing a bedside buddy (I think I’ll name him Henry). My follow-up appointment with my primary is on the 19th, where we’ll go over all of my lab results, talk about other aspects of my symptomology, and probably wind up with orders to see other Drs (i.e. a cardiologist). The gynecologist is on the list as well (though I am waiting to see if my labs still show me as non-menopausal in spite of a total hysterectomy and ovary removal).

Additionally, the girls need to get to the dentist (technically so do Gamer Dude and I as we haven’t been in YEARS) for their check-up and cleaning. And, we have to start the process of getting Miss Artistic evaluated for a breast reduction. Which, right now, we are hoping to do right after school lets out in June.

Speaking of the girls. Both Princess Nature and Miss Artistic have some kind of bug. It “feels” viral to me. Sore throat with no obvious signs of infection (redness, swelling, pus pockets), malaise, nausea, and a cough. No fevers, but still I am considering a trip to the pediatrician as it is the time of year for strep. The bulk of the weekend (so long as my Netflix shipment cooperates) will be spent watching Glee with one or both of them (in-between my usual marathon style cooking) while they rest and I force fluids into them.

In other news, I attended a wake last night for a friend of the family. “A” was one of my older cousin’s oldest friends. Since they grew up together and remained friends into adulthood, “A” was often in attendance at family functions over the years and while I didn’t know him well, or consider him a friend of my own, I still knew him my entire life. So, it was incredibly sad to hear that his car was struck on his evening commute by someone who ran a red light.

Beyond that I keep hearing this nagging thought in my head that reminds me of my own mortality. The voice that whispers that none of us know when the proverbial lightening bolt will fall from the sky bringing us to the end of this life. The voice that with increasing volume speaks to me not only of my regrets but of the realization that I have now been living with my life on hold for almost a decade, waiting for our life circumstances to allow me to be the person I want to be in full sight of the world.

Which brings me back full circle to one of the factors of my having been, to one degree or another, soul sick for the past too many years. Too much stress, too much heartache, too much hardship, with too little in my life to fill me back up. Hopefully getting myself back on track with my health will play a role in not only my feeling better physically but also in helping me have the energy to do the things that need to be done in order for me to reclaim the life I want to lead.

Blessings

Mama Kelly

Written by Mama KellyTags:depression, family, health, life, stress