“Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you don’t let show”
- Lean on Me, Bill Withers

I am so behind.

On my clutter control.
On my bill paying.
On my blogging.
On visits with friends & family.
On plans for turning Blade & Cauldron into a home business.

The summer has gone by in a flash while we deal with Miss Artistic. Her health issues … her mental health issues. Right now she is in an intensive outpatient program. She will continue to be there for at least a month into the school year while they provide an academic component.

This “cushion” of time will give us the opportunity to send a new request to the Superintendent of Schools for out of district placement. And, if we are again denied, have a long sit-down with her present high school to lay out a more aggressive plan to help Miss Artistic have a more successful year. Lady Rose’s husband Teacherman has offered to be our advocate in all of this and I am sorry to say that we will need his help as our district (or so we have been told) is notorious for fighting any request for these kinds of services.

This whole experience has been very humbling in that it is forcing me, us, to accept offers of help. Friends who have offered their time, their energies, their money … to help us help our daughter get well. And while I would offer my own help to any of them in a heartbeat, it is so hard to let go of the voices that speak to me in debasing whispers about what it says about me to need their support. It’s a lesson I’m still working on learning.

Blessings to each of you who has offered your help. To those who have lit candles or simply held us in your thoughts. It means more than I can ever say.

Blessings

Mama Kelly

“If there is a load you have to bear
That you can’t carry
I’m right up the road
I’ll share your load
If you just call me”
- Lean on Me, Bill Withers

Buy it at Amazon – Lean On Me (Glee Cast Version)

Written by Mama KellyTags:depression, family, life, mental illness

As our regular readers know, the family and I live with my dad.

It came about as a temporary measure nearly 9 years ago for a number of reasons and just gradually became permanent. Dad’s house has three bedrooms and a bath on the second floor. When we moved in this because like an apartment for us. Gamer Dude & I in one room, the girls sharing a bedroom, and the third bedroom became our TV room.

As the girls got older this setup has worked less and less.

1. We couldn’t all fit comfortably on the one couch anymore. With both girls over 5? now (as well as Gamer Dude & I being a bit fluffy) a three-seater is just too crowded.
2. The room the girls shared was too small for the job. Causing much in the way of clutter, as well as:
3. Miss Artistic’s mood disorder makes it even more important for them to each have their own space.
4. As my dad gets older we are making an effort to spend more time downstairs, because you just never know how much time you have left with someone.
5. as well as:

* door slamming
* yelling
* otherwise normal and standard pre-teen & teenage angst
* and much in the way of clothing crises of varying sizes and shapes

Back in the summer of 1991 when we moved in the girls were so young. Miss Artistic was 6 1/2 and Princess Nature was going on 2.

Now we have a young woman living with us, turning 16 before we hit 2011. (I met my husband at her age!) I am amazed to watch her evolve.

Our younger daughter is turning 11 in the Fall. She is on the cusp of little girl. Still clinging to it while at the same time yearning for what lies ahead.

Was it a sacrifice to give up the TV room? Frankly? Yes.

My husband enjoyed our private evenings. For now were hiding in our bedroom watching TV on the laptop. But that too will go away as it doesn’t really work for the long run.

Miss Artistic slept last night on her old bed in a room all her own. She barely remembers being able to do that.

Tucked into bed like I used to so long ago.

A room painted in shades of orange to compliment the color of her late grandmother’s drafting table. The one we gave her because she’s such a gifted artist.

A room yet to be fully decorated or accessorized, but its hers. And it makes her so happy that anything I may have given up on will be worth it … is worth it. I hope she realizes that she is worth it.

Blessings

Mama Kelly

cross posted over at Blade & Cauldron

Written by Mama KellyTags:family, home, kids, life

By now Lady Rose is enjoying the wonderful place that is Womongathering. I hope it is even more wonderful for her than our joint venture there was two years ago. Just my own perusal of the workshops available this year have my literally drooling over the possibilities for the next time that I can find my way there (and perhaps with other friends in tow, including “M” and “E” both of whom have been part of my life for years and years), and yes I do intend to get there again!

I can’t wait for Lady Rose’s return and to read her posts about her experiences, the classes she attends, and all the fun she has. I get to see her on the 12th for one of our semi-usual overnight visits and I’ll get even more details then as well, in between our usual silliness, and our planning of my hosting of a Slumber Parties party for her later this month.

In other news, things are pretty much status quo. Miss Artistic has a chest MRA tomorrow. My side project seems to have been met with a warm reception and I look forward to what it represents not only as the seed of a home business, but as the first step on the journey of creating the life that I (and Gamer Dude aka Accolan) want.

I rarely have time for spell-work. I even more rarely have space and privacy for any form of formal ritual. Some days I feel like the Pagan version of an A&P Catholic. But, at the end of the day it is still the God & Goddess I pray to. I believe that we are not given a dream without also being given the ability to see it bear fruit (in some way shape or form).

This weekend should find us working on the first of the inventory we need to compile in order for Blade & Cauldron to be a business, and not just another blog. So, a lot is going on – some good, some worrisome – but in the end I have hope … no, I have faith that it will all be alright in the end.

May it go well for you and yours

Blessings

Mama Kelly

(also known as Jia and also writing at Blade & Cauldron)

Written by Mama KellyTags:family, health, life, womongathering

Today finds me with another long weekend, full of unpaid time off.  I thought about going to work today and sending Gamer Dude and Miss Artistic off to the neurologist without me, but reconsidered.

First of all, it has been a terrible few days at work.  Beyond that though, of the two of us I have a better head for all things medical and as I wanted to make sure we touched on topics such as medication, risk of other family members having the Chiari malformation, and my own diagnosis with neurofibromatosis it seemed a better idea to have me there than to have Gamer Dude try go off with a list of prepared questions and an admonition to remember everything said or discussed.

We don’t really know anything more than we did before going to the appointment.  He’s ordering more MRIs (of her cervical and thorasic spine to rule out spinal cord cysts) and is going to try a daily migraine medication to see if it will help her pain levels at all.  Other than that we will go see him in a month, review all of her films and decide what, if anything, needs to be done from there (in terms of more testing, different medications, or a referral to a neurosurgeon).

Tomorrow will find us at a pulmonary specialist.  Again, I do not expect to learn anything new other than to come home with orders for other (probably somewhat more invasive) tests and perhaps a prescription of some kind.  Later in the day Gamer Dude & I have our own appointment with our GP to review our recent bloodwork, determine my need to continue on cholesterol meds, and discuss either starting hubby on one himself (or hopefully get a reprieve for a while, make more dietary changes, and test again in 3 months or so).

In between all of this we have to follow up with the Walmart vision center who is trying to convince my insurance that I really really didn’t get new eyeglasses last year and so I do deserve them, start shopping and cooking both for the week to come and the holiday weekend ahead.  And in my spare time (what’s that?) I have work yet to do on my super secret side project which will be announced right here just past midnight on June 1st.

That’s it in the proverbial nutshell.

Be well

Be blessed

Mama Kelly

Written by Mama KellyTags:chiari malformation, family, health, life

Today I am grateful to have filled my ‘fridge with food.  It is not something I ever take for granted. I know how lucky I am to be able to feed my family when so many in my state, in my country, in the world cannot.

Today I am grateful that GamerDude seems to have taken a liking to making bread in our bread machine.  He will never be a domestic God, but it is touching to see how happy he gets about a loaf of bread he made himself.

Today I am grateful that a recent recipe I tried for making baked beans in my crockpot worked out so well.  Granted it took a bit of tweaking, but the result is a mess of beans that are thick and sweet and savory made with natural ingredients.

Today I am grateful for blue skies and cool breezes.  I have never been and I will never be a fan of the heat.  My favorite times of year are spring and fall when it is warm enough to wear lightweight clothes but cool enough to not sweat.  The wind in the trees and the smell of the earth whispers to my witchy self and allows me to more easily connect to the magic that is all around each of us, and is so easy when caught up in the stresses and hassles of daily life to overlook.

Blessings

Mama Kelly

Written by Mama KellyTags:blog your blessings sunday, gratitude, life

I am not sure if it is a matter of having nothing to say or too much to talk about.  Whatever the case I find myself sitting here, night after night, staring at a WordPress and coming up completely blank.

I spent about 7 hours in the kitchen today cooking for the week ahead (and a bit beyond).  My house is full of food and various yummy aromas and while I am sore in body and a bit weary in spirit I am truly grateful to have the task behind me.  Now, I only have one last job ahead of me tomorrow (caramelizing a mess of onions) so that I can simply focus on enjoying the day and recharging my batteries for the week ahead.

The week should fly by as it is filled with Dr appointments, Tae Kwon Do, and an MRI for Miss Artistic.  But, that’s fine with me as Friday marks the 16th anniversary of me and GamerDude getting married.

We will start the day getting a follow-up round of blood work which will hopefully show much improved results with all the recent changes to our diet,  followed by breakfast out and then dinner out on Saturday evening.  I am looking forward to being able to enjoy being husband and wife for a few hours and not just mommy and daddy.

Blessings

Mama Kelly

Written by Mama KellyTags:life, marriage

Things here are status quo.

I am still coping with the remnants of this sinus issue.  But, on the bright side, it is the second time this calendar year that I have managed to beat it without resorting to antibiotics.  Granted, I missed 12 hours last week, but at least that wasn’t on top of the cost of a Dr. visit and prescriptions.

Tomorrow is a half-day at work.  I work late Monday through Thursday so I can leave at 2 on Friday and still accumulate my 40 hours.  It gives me the opportunity to get my food shopping done while its still early in the day and feel like I have a full weekend, even if I do spend most of Saturday cooking.

This upcoming week’s menu includes:

• roasted asparagus
• saffron rice with peas
• General’s Tofu
• Bean Quesedillas
• Pasta Primavera
• a Cod & Shrimp dish I make (yet to be named)
• something lentil based for Gamer Dude’s lunches

Miss Artistic is still giving us the same grief in terms of schoolwork, grades, & homework.  Additionally, her issues with depression & oppositional-defiant disorder are in a flare as well.  As a result, we have stepped up her therapy sessions, tweaked her medications, and are starting the process of looking into transferring her to an alternative high school as of September.

Princess Nature is doing really well, all things considered.  Her sister’s issues affect her more and more as time goes by & as a result she is going to start coming to some of our therapy session (they are half-family and half-just Miss Artistic).  While her older sister has slacked off enough to miss belt testing this time around, Princess Nature is set to earn her red belt next week.

In other news, my new laptop has been ordered and will be here by the middle of May at the very latest.  Once that arrives my blogging frequency should return to its former levels.

Blessings

Mama Kelly

PS The super secret side project I am working on is still set to be “open” as of June 1st.  Recipes will play a role, that is all I’m going to say for right now.

Written by Mama KellyTags:family, life, update

I got the taxes done and once the money is in our account we’ll finally be buying a laptop to replace mine that died in the fall.  Hopefully that will be the first step toward my blogging getting back to a more regular pattern.

My friend “E” is still set to arrive on Friday though getting to the Renaissance Festival might be in doubt.  The weather is predicted to be sunny and cool, which sounds divine, but unfortunately I seem to have come down with yet another sinus infection.

I came home from work, took some meds to both bring down inflammation and to encourage drainage, and took a hot shower.  I’ve been in my jammies since and can only hope that I am feeling better come the morning as I don’t think I can stand another day of telemarketing when it hurts to speak.

Gamer Dude has been busier than usual.  With the purchase of our new car he plays chauffeur every day taking me to and from work and he has also started investigating his eligibility for VA benefits.  Each appointment necessitates a 3 hour round trip so it is a major pain the neck, but any help he gets will make it all well worth it.

In other news, we are both still on track in our quest to regain our health.  Slowly, we’re catching up on Dr. appointments and gradually we’re changing the way we eat.  The later is actually getting to be a lot of fun as it gives me a reason to try all kinds of new recipes.  Even Mr Grumpy seems to be enjoying the new foods that I’m serving.

Blessings

Mama Kelly

PS  I am still hard at work on my super secret side project, and the reveal is still set for June 1.

Written by Mama KellyTags:life, update

Today I a grateful for my health insurance.  Yes I pay through the nose for it.  Yes I can barely afford my co-pays as a result.  But, without it I do not know what we would do in terms of Gamer Dude’s chronic pain or Miss Artistic’s mental health issues.

Today I am grateful for sorting through 3 large bags of clothes gifted to me by Lady Rose.  I found a number of things that Miss Artistic can use as well as a number of things that either fit me now, or will fit me soon.  And I am still able to send back quite a lot for her to gift to someone else.

Today I am grateful that Gamer Dude, in addition to his chauffeur duties taking me to and from work each day, is willing to deal with dropping off and picking up Princess Nature from camp this summer – saving us over $200 in bus fees.

Today I am grateful that Gamer Dude has taken the first step into looking into any VA benefits he may be entitled to.  If nothing else, the testing is free and he is reimbursed for his travel expenses.  So, even if he is denied any kind of claim we still save the co-pays these tests would have otherwise cost.

Today I am grateful that my healthy eating plan is still going strong.  Yes I was naughty on Easter (in a planned and controlled fashion), but the scale has been consistently (albeit slowly) moving in the right direction.  I am loving the new foods I am preparing and so far, so is everyone else!

Blessings

Mama Kelly

Written by Mama KellyTags:gratitude, life

Well, I managed to have my nice day yesterday ….. somewhat.

I worked from 8:30-1 and came home with my friend “M2″ as planned. We hung out and chatted, got a few loads of laundry done for her, watched the season finale of Glee with Gamer Dude and the girls and had dinner.

In between all of this Lady Rose and her family stopped up to drop off a few bags of clothes (that she is now too thin to wear!!!!) and my girl scout cookie order. They only stayed a short while and drove off to enjoy the glorious spring weather.

It was a really nice day.

After “M2″ left we had an issue with Miss Artistic.

Whereas last night found us in crisis mode …. today, so far, things are better. For her anyway. Me? As time goes on (we’ve had her in treatment for depression, etc. for over 3 years) it takes me longer and longer to recover from her “episodes.”

So, here I sit on a holiday (while not a Christian family we celebrate Easter as a secular holiday – a belated Spring celebration) and I am just sad and weary.

The girls have already hunted for eggs (Princess Nature won as usual), the big basket they share has been emptied, and blueberry pancakes have been consumed (by them). We have a 2pm “dinner” reservation and a container of mini eclairs to have for dessert later this evening. So, hopefully we will be ale to claim some happiness yet from the day.

Blessings to you and yours

Mama Kelly

Written by Mama KellyTags:depression, life