I am a fan of the blog, Confessions of a Pagan Soccer Mom, and would love to be able to meet Mrs B in real life one day. Today she posted a Pagan Blog Prompt on her site which asked the question

“Today, think about what the most frustrating part of being a pagan is. Being “in the broom closet”? The cost of gathering appropriate tools? Finding the time to actually get out in nature? Not being able to find other pagans in your area? Then consider what you can do to change that thing”

All I can say is how funny (sad?) it was that this is that I came home tonight of all nights to read this.

Because tonight I had the opportunity to share my faith with a woman who is quickly becoming a friend.

Now granted, our main connection is that our kids are friends – best friends as only teenage girls can be – and my willingness to support her as she tries to make a business out of selling Mary Kay. But, there is a connection there aside from both of those things.

The main reason it has not had the opportunity to blossom is me. My insecurity. My fear.  Because, if I let her get close, she’s going to find out who I am, and what I believe, and the W word is going to have to rear its all too often misunderstood head.

I’ve spoken before about how I live an opposite life. I am out of the broom closet outside the home – at work, among my friends, etc. and in the closet in my home, among my family, around most people who have a connection to my children – teachers, neighbors, friends’ parents, and friends (though as my books are in plain sight once you come upstairs for sleepovers most of the kids in this group suspect I’m sure).

I really like “C”. She’s sweet and funny. I like her husband too, and actually think that they would even make good “couple friends”.

But … what if they find out I’m a Witch and no longer let Miss Artistic be friends with “S”?

What if she, like other “friends” I’ve had before, decide that they can’t be friends with me without trying to save me? Because as the song goes …

“And while I breathe this glorious air,
an outlaw I’ll remain;
My body will not be subdued
and I will not be saved.”

- “Heretic Heart”, words by Catherine Madsen

Not to imply that there is anything inherantly wrong with the Christian faith, of course.

What if she finds out I’m a Witch and just doesn’t like me anymore?

Anyway, we were talking tonight on the way home from a Mary Kay Customer Appreciation Night. I was happy to go and support her and her hopefully soon to be blossoming business. As we drove the conversation drew a little more personal than ever before … touching on mental health issues, finances, hardships of one kind or another. Nothing terribly dramatic, but the gentle wing brush of true friendship.

But, in those moments we also touched on religion and a moment came where I felt compelled to explain that I wasn’t a Christian. Which of course begged the question of what religion I was.

I dodged it.

After over 20 years as a Witch, with the ability I have to be a Witch at my job, with my past which has seen me do a presentation on the basics of my faith both to a 3rd grade Montessori class nigh on 17 years ago and at my local college just about 2, with the tattoos of a Goddess and a pentacle on my back … I choked.

I said that the closest I could probably explain my beliefs was that I was a Unitarian – a term which I could define in a sentance, a term which satisfied her, and she could easily relate to.

In that moment I was afraid to tell her what I was. I didn’t want to lose a friend to preconceived notions, and media-based lies. In short, I hid in the closet, something I’m embarrassed about.

And it was stupid. Because at some point the truth will come out – out of necessity, or because at some moment I’ll relax, I’ll slip into my real persona and do or say something so out of the ordinary (for her anyway) that the topic will have to be revisited.

Because while for a while I can stay here (the hangers falling on your head aren’t so bad once you get used to it) and continue to sing

“And if I cannot shout aloud,
I’ll sing it secretly,
My skin, my bones, my heretic heart
are my authority. “

- “Heretic Heart”, words by Catherine Madsen

I cannot stay in the closet forever.

At some point, as she becomes more enmeshed in my life … as she becomes more of a friend in my heart … and honestly and truly I’m not sure how it will go.

Blessings

Mama Kelly

Written by Mama KellyTags:friendship, in the broom closet, religion

I lifted this from Anne over at The Gods are Bored, who in turn lifted it from Jason over at The Wild Hunt who is quoting Pope Benedict’s remarks from a recent encyclical.

“There are certain religious cultures in the world today that do not oblige men and women to live in communion but rather cut them off from one other in a search for individual well-being, limited to the gratification of psychological desires. Furthermore, a certain proliferation of different religious “paths”, attracting small groups or even single individuals, together with religious syncretism, can give rise to separation and disengagement. One possible negative effect of the process of globalization is the tendency to favour this kind of syncretism by encouraging forms of “religion” that, instead of bringing people together, alienate them from one another and distance them from reality. At the same time, some religious and cultural traditions persist which ossify society in rigid social groupings, in magical beliefs that fail to respect the dignity of the person, and in attitudes of subjugation to occult powers. In these contexts, love and truth have difficulty asserting themselves, and authentic development is impeded. For this reason, while it may be true that development needs the religions and cultures of different peoples, it is equally true that adequate discernment is needed. Religious freedom does not mean religious indifferentism, nor does it imply that all religions are equal.”

Let’s look at this lovely little bit of prose ….

“There are certain religious cultures in the world today that do not oblige men and women to live in communion but rather cut them off from one other in a search for individual well-being, limited to the gratification of psychological desires”

I am a married woman, just recently celebrated my 15th anniversary in fact, and I am commited to staying married until the day that one or the other of us draws our last breath.  Not because I think that divorce is a sin, or because I feel obliged to marry as a fulfilment of my life’s purpose, but because I made a promise … a promise to someone I love.  We both agree that life will be hard and that there will always be times when we’re not head over heels in love.  But as friends, as lovers, as what we believe to be soulmates, that it … its us “till death.”  How dare anyone look at my marriage as anything but sacred.  How dare someone, a man who should be the ideal of acceptance … of tolerance … of love (you know those things that Jesus spoke of) belittle the sacrament I entered into as nothing more than “the gratification of psychological desires.”

“Furthermore, a certain proliferation of different religious “paths”, attracting small groups or even single individuals, together with religious syncretism, can give rise to separation and disengagement. One possible negative effect of the process of globalization is the tendency to favour this kind of syncretism by encouraging forms of “religion” that, instead of bringing people together, alienate them from one another and distance them from reality.”

While I would agree that the small group/solitary aspect of Wicca … or much of Paganism in general … can, and does lead, in some cases, to a feeling of seperation, or isolation.  In short, being a Witch alone can be quite lonely, it can be hard.  But it also does not invalidate my path.  Even if I never step foot in coven space again, even if I never step foot into sacred space again with others, I know what things I place my faith in.  And while I will confess to being eclectic, the Catholic church should fess up as well.  All religions that live, change.  They evolve, they shift, they borrow (or downright steal) elements from other faiths.

As to the accusation that I am in some way “distance(d) … from reality.”  I guess I can also confess that I believe in some strange shit.  Things like magic and reincarnation and karma and soulmates.  I guess you can cell them strange, but by that ruler you could describe some Catholic beliefs as rather odd.

At the same time, some religious and cultural traditions persist which ossify society in rigid social groupings, in magical beliefs that fail to respect the dignity of the person, and in attitudes of subjugation to occult powers. In these contexts, love and truth have difficulty asserting themselves, and authentic development is impeded.

There is so much wrong with these two sentences I barely know where to start.  Let me simply say that for a religion that embraces much in the way of magical thinking (transubstantiation anyone?) to call this harsh would be kind.

According to this:

• because I believe in magic, I have degraded my personal dignity
• I am victimized by my belief in magic, in psychic abilities, etc.
• I lack love and know lies
• I am less than I should be

While I pine, in some ways, especially as I cope with turning 40, about how far I have failed to come in my life.  It is not a result of the religion I chose.  I am not less than I should have been … Wicca healed wounds on my soul that my Catholic faith couldn’t touch.  But not because it is an invalid faith, but because it was the wrong faith for me.

For this reason, while it may be true that development needs the religions and cultures of different peoples, it is equally true that adequate discernment is needed. Religious freedom does not mean religious indifferentism, nor does it imply that all religions are equal.

As if it wasn’t bad enough, then they draw out the big guns.  My religion isn’t as good as theirs … they will grant me the right to choose my own faith, but they deem it as an inferior one, as less than equal.

I guess once you know that this is what he really believes, all the rest makes sense.

I was raised Roman Catholic.  I was even, for a period of time, fairly devout.  However, add my inability to understand why only men could be priests to my disbelief during the Religious Education class which taught that masturbation was as bad a sin as murder as both earned me a one way ticket to hell and you get the equation that led to my finding Wicca.  Granted its a little more complex than that, but those 2 moments of realization in my life led to my leaving first the Catholic church and the questioning that followed led to losing my Christian faith.

Despite that I have always maintained a level of respect for the position of Pope, much like the level of respect I hold for the Dalai Lama.  As a result I am truly sorrowful, though by no means surprised, by the utter lack of tolerance this excerpt illustrates.  I am offended, and a little bit hurt.

But, in the end, I don’t really worry about it as while many of his followers would name me a sinner (included and not limited to Pope Benedict), or at least a wayward soul, I think that Jesus himself would’ve been okay with who I am.

And as for God … the Divine … my Lord & Lady …

I know It/They like me just fine.

Blessings

Mama Kelly

Written by Mama KellyTags:Catholocism, paganism, Pope, religion

My father still believes that God is a white-haired fellow with blue eyes, almost exactly like himself. My God is more amorphous, more of a universal constant, like gravity or magnetism. This constant doesn’t pick favorites; it simply flows into any opening we make for it. If Hitler had a kindly moment, a moment when, say, he felt like saving a kitten from a flood, I believe that God–barred from Adolf’s mind in so many other moments–would have poured into the kindness of that moment and helped the mass murderer reach the kitty. I believe that the line between good and evil doesn’t separate human beings into different categories; it runs through every one of us, and every moment is a choice: heal or destroy.

~Martha Beck
from her memoir
Leaving the Saints:
How I Lost the Mormons and Found My Faith

(emphasis mine)

Found this on Dianne Sylvan’s blog Dancing Down the Moon and just had to share it.  As a Wiccan I identify with the Divine as God and Goddess.  I use names that most of the population only use when speaking in terms of mythology or multi-culturalism to call upon It.  But that certainly doesn’t mean that I literally believe a woman with flowers woven in her hair is traipsing on the clouds with her horned lover.

The imagery that I use is merely a tool that allows me to more easily commune with and connect to the Divine.  I am fond of saying that God simply Is, and I am a fan of the Starhawk quote (and I am paraphrasing here) in which she replies “Do you believe in rocks?” to the person who asks if she actually believes in the Goddess.

In my heart I truly believe in a Divine force that supports us, and inspires us, and reaches out to us, and speaks to us.  I believe that it is a guiding force in the Universe and is something that is far beyond the comprehension of us mere mortals.

May the Divine bless you today, no matter what name you use to call upon It.

Mama Kelly

Written by Mama KellyTags:god, religion

No, not on the way to the forum, but at my girls’ TaeKwonDo testing. The Grandmaster at my girls’ school is one of those people who simply exude calm and power. There is a kindness about him that would not be out of place in a monastery. His English is a bit broken, but he is worth listening to.

His school is a place where not only marital arts skills are taught, but children (and teenagers) are taught to honor their elders and most of all honor the potential within themselves. I really love what I see both Princess Nibbles and Miss Artistic getting out of it.

Mr Grumpy joined us at this belt testing. When we walked in Grandmaster greeted my husband and myself and then my father. To my father Grandmaster started speaking on the benefits of meditation for peace of mind, for health, and for inspiration. He spoke of how he wakes in the morning at 4am to meditate before doing his day’s training (5 hours worth!). The man will probably outlive Gamer Dude and I both.

Now, granted, none of you know my father – although his moniker of Mr Grumpy I’m sure gives you a hint to his usual demeanor. I took great pleasure in my father’s little lecture. Granted I listened to it myself and resolved to make time in my life for meditation. In fact, as both girls have been charged with adding meditation to their daily life, Gamer Dude and I have decided that this will be a family project – something the four of us do together.

Anyway, back to my point. I took a little bit of evil delight in my father who shuns all things spiritual, who calls me an atheist because he does not care to even try to understand how I could have a faith “so far outside” the Roman Catholicism he claims but does not practice, being advised to meditate.

I have to admit its a little painful to not be accepted by my family. When I first became Wiccan my parents thought the incense was to cover up pot smoking (it wasn’t), when the “phase” didn’t pass my father would allude to my being a Satanist, as time wore on he would refer to my “thinking” I was a Witch, as if it were a delusion. Now, he just thinks I’m an atheist – I guess that’s an improvement.

It is this lack of acceptance that drove me back into the closet. And yes, at almost 40, I should be able to accept that what my father thinks of me doesn’t have to matter anymore. I’m working on that one, trust me.

In the meantime, the next time my dad makes a snarky comment about my “lack of religion”, I’ll simply imagine him sitting crosslegged in front of a candle counting breaths, or chanting Ohm, and I’ll chuckle to myself at the unlikelihood of the event.

Blessings

Mama Kelly

Written by Mama KellyTags:religion

I was raised Roman Catholic and while my parents were not religious I was.  From my communion to my confirmation I was “God’s”.   But, the older I got, the more reading I did, and the stronger my own convictions became I found less and less in the Catholic faith that I agreed with.  Like many other formerly Catholic Wiccans I’ve talked to or read over the years Mary stuck around the longest but eventually I realized that while I still believed in the Divine, I could no longer call myself a Christian, never mind a Roman Catholic. Losing my faith was hard, until I realized that my faith was fine, I just didn’t have a religion any longer to call home.

When I read my first real Wiccan book I knew I had a home again.  Dr. Martello’s book showed me that the things I believed made sense, that they had a name, I wasn’t weird, I was just a Witch.  And within a few months I had friends that had similar beliefs, as if by magic.   But, I spent a year on my own, honoring the Sabbats as best I could in my dorm room, or my bedroom in my parent’s house.  When I was invited to an open Candlemas ritual by a friend how could I say no? Years passed and I grew as a Witch with that circle, being initiated to third degree not long before the whole thing imploded. Since then the only times I have been in a group ritual have been at events such as Womongathering.

This year’s Imbolc/Candlemas marks the 20th anniversary of the first time I stepped foot in circle with a group.  I wish I could say that I remember that night in vivid detail.  The fact of the matter is 20 years is a long time, much has happened since that night and I was too nervous to pay attention to making memories.  What I can tell you is that I do remember the sheer joy I had in Wicca at that time.  While I do not feel that joy the same way – the exhuberance of youth is fleeting – Wicca is still the place I call home, even without complex rites or covenmates.  However, that does not mean that I do not on occassion experience whispers of disconnection or discontent and I am not alone.

Recently there has been an exodus of sorts in the online Pagan community away from Wicca. Rev. Hovey, who ran a “Wiccan church” has converted to Christianity, Dianne Sylvan no longer calls herself Wiccan, the hosts of the podcast Deo’s Shadow have announced that they now consider themselves atheist. I understand how one can outgrow a faith, to simply find that your own personal core beliefs have changed and no longer fit.  But also, with a religion such as Wicca which is growing and evolving so much so quickly it is also easy to feel as though the faith itself has moved on without you.  Or, at the very least, to look at what Wicca is today and find it unrecognizable in many ways as compared to the path 20 or more years ago. 

For now, I still choose to see the Divine as being at once unfathomably complex and present in my day to day life.  For now, I still choose to commune with the Divine as God and Goddess … Lord and Lady.  For now, I am still Wiccan.  But, the faith is changing and much like when my own beliefs evolved away from Catholicism, they may one day move me away from Wicca as well.

I won’t say what I think Wicca is or what Wicca should be.  I won’t be that presumptuous.  I will simply share what I wish it could be.  I wish I could walk into my neighborhood Wiccan Church, meet some likeminded people, worship together, and be part of a network of support (to receive and to give) in times of need.  I wish that the Wiccan faith was accurately portrayed on television and in movies even though without the shock value of sterotypes these portrayals may be fairly bland and boring.  I wish it was safer to live life outside of the closet.  But, for any of this to be possible at some point, Wicca will most likely have to convene a council much like they did in 1974 and hammer out what makes up the framework of Wiccan belief.  Individual Witches at some point will have to branch out of their living rooms, rec centers, and public parks (not that there is anything wrong with any of these venues) and create more in the way of permanent sacred places that are open to congragants and newcomers both. 

With the strong feeling so many Wiccans have about eclecticsm, autonomy, and personal freedom I am not sure if any of this would be attainable. But is still what I wish Wicca could become.

Here’s to the next 20 years of Wicca!

Here’s to the next 20 years of my personal spiritual journey!

Blessings

Mama Kelly

Written by Mama KellyTags:Candlemas, Imbolc, religion, spirituality, wicca

Normally I would’ve saved this until next week and a new installment of Pagan Video Tuesday. But, it seemed too important to sit on.

Just in case you missed this story last week, a pagan group in the D.C. area held a ritual to sweep away the energies of the Bush administration as well as to welcome and bless President Obama to Washington. Here are some videos relating to the pre-inaugural “Ritual of Unity and Blessing” in Washington D.C.

1 hour, 20 minutes

Just over 16 minutes of interviews, thanks to MagickTV

a brief video, under 2 minutes, in case you dont have time to watch the longer piece

Thanks to Hecate you can even read about her ire at Comcast Cable in regards to their using video footage of this rite and highlighting it under their “News of the Weird” feature. Thanks to her links you can also read the invocation to the element of water used during the rite as well as a blessing delivered that day.

I personally understand how unusual this ritual must’ve seen to an outsider’s eyes. A bunch of grownups in robes, with drums and brooms, is not something the average American sees on a daily basis. But then how often do you witness any religious rituals outside of your own in a public venue? To have been highlighted as the weird news of the day offends me. Hecate makes a valid point when she says that Comcast would be unlikely to treat any other religious group in this fashion.

As a Pagan, as a Witch, or as someone who obviously has a degree of tolerance toward the faith system (otherwise you wouldn’t be here reading my blog would you) how does this make you feel?

If you are a letter writer, or if this story inspires you to be one for the first time here, again thanks to Hecate, is the contact info:

Comcast’s CEO is Brian L. Roberts, Chairman and Chief Executive Officer, Comcast Corporation. Comcast is located at 1 Comcast Center, Philadelphia, PA 19103. Their phone numbers are: 215-286-1700 and Toll Free: 800-266-2278.

Blessings

Mama Kelly

Written by Mama KellyTags:news, religion, religious tolerance, video

Rev. Kendra Vaughan Hovey, who some of you might remember from her appearance on TLC’s My Unique Family 2 years ago (Feb. 19 2007), has renounced Wicca, closed her church, and is opening a new Christian-oriented church in its stead. When I originally watched the episode back in 2007 I found her constant adherance to wearing traditional Christian minister’s garb a bit unusual, I found her congregational styled (as opposed to ceremonial circle) worship a bit curious, and now I find her choice of words upon her decision to convert a bit unsettling.

Living Waters Community of Hope will focus on helping people heal from their experiences of inequity from past religions and religious institutions, using Jesus Christ and his teachings in the Bible as the foundation of how to have a meaningful relationship with God, as well as, holistic health of mind, body, and soul.

I point you to The Wild Hunt blog to read more about this story.  He shares a letter that was sent to Rev. Hovey’s former congregants in which the reverend shares the major points with which she finds fault in regards to her former faith. However, reading this letter one has to wonder how well she ever understood the faith she not only claimed to practice, but also taught and served as Priestess in.

 But then, as others have pointed out, her former church’s beliefs weren’t too far away from those her new church will most likely hold in that they stated that:

• “We believe in the teachings of the Bible and Jesus Christ, and consistently live
  by His teachings for our spiritual and moral foundation”
• “We believe in meditating, praying, and reading the Bible on a daily basis to
  establish and maintain a direct relationship with the God and Goddess within.”
• “We do not believe in practicing Magick in our church”
• “We do not believe in practicing ritual in our church”

I mean no slight to my Christian readers, but what kind of Wiccan circle/grove/church/group was she running? 

I may find value in the Old and New Testament, but then I am open to finding value in the teachings of any positive faith, but I wouldn’t tell a group of novices to read the Bible as part of their Wiccan training, unless it was part of a larger program of comparative theology.

Apparantly her feelings were that “incorporating the Bible and the teachings of Jesus Christ (were necessary) in order to provide a spiritual and moral foundation which is most often lost by practicing Wicca alone.”

Huh?

So apparently according to Rev. Hovey – at the time of these words still labeling herself as a Wiccan priestess – thinks that Wiccans lack an appropriate spiritual and moral foundation because they don’t rely on the Bible but instead rely on the Rede (an’ it harm none, do what ye will) and their own consciences to guide their thoughts, words, and actions.

And now, that she is a Christian minister, she holds the belief that having practiced a religion other than Chrisitanity is something that one needs to heal from. 

I am just stunned.

Your Thoughts?

Mama Kelly

Written by Mama KellyTags:religion, rev. hovey, rev. kendra hovey

I have read most of Laurell K Hamilton’s Anita the Vampire Hunter series.  I came in with some of the later books, went back and read some of the early books and really need to get myself to a library so I can read the others in the middle.

I love the world she created.  I love the deeply layered (and often greatly flawed) characters.  I adore that the cast of her books is so large and diverse.  And yes I enjoy the eroticism that is often part of the story line.

A couple of months ago I found her blog and happily got to have a window into the daily life of one of my favorite authors.  Gradually, as I read, I came to suspect that she might just be a Pagan.  As I read more I was certain.  Today it is official.  Or more accurately, as of October 30th, when the Time Magazine article was published.

Maybe other fans already knew.  Maybe this is already “old news”.  But, I have to admit that I for one was thrilled.  I already knew she was Wiccan from reading her blog.  But to have her come out publically, outside the venue of just her fans, meant something to me.

To me, as a somewhat closeted Wiccan, I am proud today to know that (finally!) I live in a country where a NY TImes #1 bestseller author can come out of the broomcloset and it’s not a big deal.  It is simply a statement of faith no different than if she had called herself Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, etc.

In her own words:

“But currently I’m Wiccan. One of its biggest tenets is, Do as thou wilt, but harm none. And that applies to yourself as well. So every choice you make, all day long, every day, goes through that filter. But there’s no intrinsic guilt in this religion. Since everything is sacred, you don’t have to feel ashamed about your body or what you’re doing with it, as long as you’re harming no one. You don’t have to feel guilty, or apologize, for being human.”

excerpted from the interview/article

Vampire Novelist Laurell K. Hamilton

By Gilbert Cruz

So mainly I want to say thank you Ms. Hamilton.  Thank you for writing books that allow me a delicious escape from mundane life.  Thank you for saying in Time Magazine what I myself cannot say to my family.  Perhaps one of them will read this article and will think back to things I’ve said over the years and rethink their judgement about my “weird witch shit.”

Blessings

Mama Kelly

Written by Mama KellyTags:famous Pagans, religion

At a rally for McCain, Rev. Arnold Conrad uttered these immortal words:

I would also pray Lord that your reputation is involved in all that happens between now and November, because there are millions of people around this world praying to their God — whether it’s Hindu, Buddha, Allah — that his [McCain’s] opponent wins for a variety of reasons.

And Lord I pray that you would guard your own reputation, because they’re going to think that their god is bigger than you, if that happens. So I pray that you would step forward and honor your own name in all that happens between now and Election Day.

Oh Lord, we just commit this time to you, move among us, make your presence very well felt as we are gathered here today in Jesus’s name I pray.

Source:

LA Times Blogs

Now as Keith Olbermann was quick to point out, obviously world religions is not Rev. Conrad’s forte as he is obviously unaware that Hindu (sic) is a faith, not a Deity name.  But, apparantly he is also under the delusion that God responds to threats relating to his popularity, or lack thereof.

There’s a new thought for you.  Or at least for me.

Personally I have never considered that my own Gods and Goddesses would respond very well to threats, dares, or mocking.  Personally I have never found that invoking the threat of “what will the neighbors think” has ever worked particularly well in curbing rebellious behavior in my own youth or in the teen years of my own eldest child and I wouldn’t dare try it with any God in any pantheon.

But, maybe thats just me.

I believe that the Gods bless me with the things I want, and the things I fear, the things that bring me joy and the things that cause me pain to help me grow.  To put me on my path, to help me find my place.

I do not think that the Gods bless me to make me like them like them better than other Gods. 

I just don’t.

Blessings

Mama Kelly

PS Did you notice that Rev. Conrad essentially acknowledged the existance of other Gods.  He did not call them demons he basically gave them equal footing.

PPS Just in case you’re interested:

I did a little search for the Reverand and I believe his contact information is as follows:

aconrad105@mchsi.com (taken from here)

Written by Mama KellyTags:politics, religion

As I’ve mentioned previously I deal with a myriad of chronic health issues.  One of the side effects of this is chronic fatigue.  And this is made worse when I overdo or am under stress.

I have had to increase my hours at work for many reasons.  But the result is still that I am dragging my ass.  I slept late, and slept relatively well, for the first time all week and frankly I feel the worse for wear.  I could go right back to sleep!  The thing that worries me is that I am shooting for OT this week at work (luckily I haven’t obligated myself to it) and the idea of working tomorrow and then over 40 hours in the following 5 days …. well just thinking about it is tiring.  But it is for a good cause as I am earmarking this money for Xmas/Yule shopping.

I managed to do a little “shopping” online last night and wound up with quite a few cool things for my girls without having to spend a whole heck of a lot.  Today the plan is to go over what I already have hidden away in the attic and the trunk of the car and see what blanks are left to fill in between gifts for the girls and gifts for assorted “nieces” “nephews” and friends.

The rest of the plan today is to get the girls to work on their closet and drawers so that clean clothes can be put away without it resulting in stuff being shoved willy-nilly, to go through the toy boxes and pull out the things no longer played with (and decide whether it is worth keeping them for posterity, trying to sell them on Ebay, or to toss/donate them), and to pull out the bags of stuff I already have packed up and itemized for a Salvation Army pickup this thursday.

Me thinks it will be a buzy day.

________________

Yesterday I had to work and it wound up feeling like a much longer day than it was.  I worked 7 hours without a lunch or break and can’t say I came home in the friendliest of moods.  But if you worked where I worked you’d understand.

While I was there my daughter went out with her “boyfriend” and spent the day hanging out with his family.  They adore her as evidenced by us already receiving a call inviting her back today despite her not getting home till after 8pm last night.  Its sweet, its cute, and frankly its a little unnerving.  But so far everything is totally innocent (as it should be since they are each only “just about 12″) so I can’t really argue with her.

The girls are outside now getting some fresh air until lunch time, after which it is time to CLEAN.  I told her that if we can get the house ship shape in time maybe “N” can come HERE next weekend. 

______________

On a side note …

One of my daughter’s best friends (since like 1st grade) has started recently telling other people “secrets” about my daughter.  Little stuff mainly — like telling everyone she had a boyfriend — but apparantly she also told her about our family being Pagan.

Now I am not training my daughter yet in any particular tradition, and for the most part we simply have conversations about how different people see God in different ways … she’s flipped through a couple of Teen books on Wicca … she knows some of what I believe – the sanctity of Nature, celebrating the cycles of the seasons, the concept of the Divine as God and Goddess. 

I was always hesitant to teach her anything that would label her for fear of other people’s reactions to that label.  I’ve also told her that what I believe is MY business and not for her friends knowledge, and that if she needed a label that, for now, she should use the term Unitarian as they accept all positive belief systems.  I explained also that terms like Witch and Pagan make people nervous or even afraid because they don’t know what they really mean (or they believe they are simply wrong).

So apparantly my daughter’s friend, told her parents “what we are” or what my daughter “is”, and they promptly told her it was all made up nonsense.  Not her story … OUR BELIEFS.  So my daughter’s friend promptly told my daughter this.

Nothing was said directly to me so there’s little I can do about it.  The parent’s aren’t discouraging the friendship, to my knowledge, or anything.  But just thinking about it and I fume a little bit.

I’m angry at being part of such a judgemental society.

I’m angry that there hasn’t been enough positive exposure for Wicca and Paganism to be considered as a valid belief system.  Our own president has proclaimed it “nonvalid“.  (Just look at the battle to get the VA to accept the pentacle as a religious symbol)

But mainly, I’m angry at myself for not sticking to my guns and just raising my daughters as Wiccan.

Years ago we had a “baby blessing” for my eldest daughter.  She was 11 months old.  We had a party at a hall and brought in a Unitarian minister to perform the rite (which I wrote with the help of various Pagan texts).  Lady Rose and her hubby were godparents.  I thought it was lovely!  Members of my family who didn’t diss us entirely by NOT COMING had already dismissed it as “weird witchy shit” and were blind to any beauty in it.  When we had a second child, I didn’t bother.

That moment — of having something meaningful and beautiful to me written off as silly and stupid and wrong — killed something inside me.  If I think back, that’s the moment when I ran screaming back into the broom closet, turned off the light, and hid all the way in the back behind old boxes.

When I was in college a fundamentalist Christian group put up posters for a lecture “New Age vs/ New Life” where they intended to denouce the entire “new age movement”.  I had been dealing for a couple of months with religious tracks slipped under my dorm room door (placed on my chair in classes too), and various bits of nastiness written on the wipe off board on my door and so as the lecture was held in my dormitory I went, along with a couple of friends, hoping to help balance what we expected to be propaganda instead of truth about our beliefs.  For the record they didn’t get together to talk about holding fast to strong Christian morals in the face of temptation, they simply blasted the entire New Age/Neopagan movement as being the work of Satan.

A couple of years after I attended a Renaissance Festival (Ren Faire) where a group of fundamentalist Christians attended with a lifesized cross in tow to “protest the presence of Pagans and of live steel” (edged weapons). They carried that cross in 3 circuits around the festival and then picked a spot to set up and “save people”.  It was a new faire and since they paid admission the organizers had no idea how to tell them that yes they could come in but the cross had to stay at home.

In both cases I was polite but I made my opinions known.  If someone wanted to confront me and my beliefs I didn’t back down.  Somewhere along the way I lost that person.

Maybe it was not having a coven anymore to recharge my batteries and spirit with.  Maybe it was feeling so much like a “Witch alone” as my husband wasn’t (and while much more open still isn’t) a practitioner.  Maybe it was fear of abandonment, which as an adopted person I seem to have in spades, and worry that my family could turn their back on me and on my child.

So here I sit fuming in a broom closet with coat hangers on my head.  And because I turned out the light I can’t find the door to get out. 

Anybody have a candle?

Blessings

Mama Kelly

Written by Mama KellyTags:family, memories, religion, spirituality