Some of it is the depression that I’ve spoken of far too often.
Some of it is stress and fatigue related to poor sleep and a crappy job.
Most of it is simply a matter of being busy. Keeping the kids shuttled to 3 classes a week at the Tae Kwon Do school, keeping up with various age levels of homework and projects, working, cooking, and the beginnings of holiday shopping.
I find that when the time comes to sit down and blog that I have very little to say. I even missed yesterday’s blogging of my blessings, for which I feel incredibly guilty.
That being said, I have to realize that one can only pump so much out of a well that has lost its source of fresh water. While I have no intention of giving up on the blog, I also have to accept the fact that I will probably continue to have very little to say until I start filling myself up again.
That means making my own health and happiness a priority.
I’m not particularly good at that.
But, I have 20 lbs to lose to get back to where I was only a few short months ago, and then even more to lose to get down to a healthy weight. To this end my Yule gift to myself this year will be enrolling in the girls’ Tae Kwon Do school. The classes they go to are Teen/Adult and I sit in the back and watch them. For the same lost time (and a bit more money) I can get a work out myself, get fit and lose weight.
I am going to make an effort to journal again – with real pen & paper – so that I can get my griping out and make room for the whispers of inspiration. I am going to make use of prompts to battle the fear of the blank page and I am going to take out my Tarot cards more often to tune in to Spirit.
I am, come hell or high water, going to start working on the book I dream of writing. I am going to figure out a schedule that will allow me specific blocks of time (even if I have to start with 30 minutes an evening) where I can start to compile notes into some type of cohesive format.
I believe that by giving myself permission to do things I enjoy, that by feeding my health in body, mind, & spirit, that by making room in my days & weeks for study & faith, that I will find that the well will once again be full of sweet water and that I will be able to quench my thirst, ease my weariness and find my voice again.
In the meantime …
This week I am grateful for the continuing ability to feed my family.
This week I am grateful to not be on the unemployment line.
This week I am grateful for having the money to begin my holiday shopping.
This week I am grateful to be almost over a wicked sinus infection.
This week I am grateful for the approach of Winter and the time it brings to look within.
Blessings
Mama Kelly
