2 Witches Blog » The Dreaded Broom Closet

Apr

20th

The Dreaded Broom Closet

Category: Mama Kelly's Musings, Wicca & Paganism | Written by Mama Kelly

Sunfire asks Are you in or out of the Broom Closet?

Many Pagans are out of the closet at home but may, instead, be in the broom closet at their place of employment, among their extended family, and in their community. I am the opposite.

As we live with my father I am in the broom closet in my own home. Yes, I have an altar set up and my books are out for any to see, but I cannot talk about my spirituality, I cannot use the label of Witch or Wiccan, I cannot, in short, be myself.

I deal with ridicule from my father because in his mind I am an atheist (a step up from when he thought I was a Satanist, or when he thought I was delusional) and have harmed my children by not raising them in an organized religion, instead choosing to allow them to find a path of their own when they are old enough to choose.

And so I hide here in the broom closet with its stale aroma and the coat hangers that invariably get tangled in my hair.

I wish there was an easy answer, outside of moving out which is not an option right now. The life I envision for myself seems to get further and further away and as I approach 40 I am finding myself paralyzed by the unlikelihood of achieving that end.

And so, I hide here in the broom closet which is too small and cramped, where things are always falling on my head.

And, as always, when my depression spikes I find myself growing more silent. I find myself withdrawing more from the world – from the reality of where I live and where I work and the monotonous minutia of daily life. I find myself trying to escape when what I need to do is work at transformation.

I know that these dark nights of the soul are the times when we should be using that urge to withdraw and to be silent not to escape but to examine. These are times when I should be writing more, I should be journaling. I should be trying to commune with the God & Goddess.

I should stop using the word should.

I am not sure how to get there from here, but I do know where I want to be. I know who I want to be. I have to just start walking, I guess, and hope that the steps I take will lead me there, or somewhere like it, in the end.

And so, I fumble in the dark for the doorknob and hope that when I finally find my way out of the broom closet that I remember how to live the life I dream of having.

Blessings

Mama Kelly

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7 Responses to “The Dreaded Broom Closet”

By Izile on Apr 20, 2009 |

I’m truly sorry you have to live in such cramped and uncomfortable conditions.

Who knows, maybe your broom closet will turn into a Wardrobe and you can find some mythical land out of the back.

Izile´s last blog post..Magic Vial – Sakura (Cherry Blossom)

By Andrea on Apr 20, 2009 |

Mama Kelly,

I’m so sorry that you have to deal with the constant necessity to obscure your true self – I wish you the freedom to practice your faith and the room in which to spiritually grow that you so richly deserve. (((HUGS)))

Andrea´s last blog post..Pagan Crafts! (Ostara)

By Anne on Apr 20, 2009 |

::warm hug:: I’m sorry that, for now, you are in that closet, but think of it this way– you are still worshiping, still learning, but keeping peace within your family until the time when you are free to do and say exactly as you wish. I’ve been where you are, and yes, it’s like carrying a 5 pound sack of potatoes at all times, but this also is giving you strength.

::hug again::

By Sara on Apr 22, 2009 |

I feel your pain. My family is very Catholic and I thought my mom was going to disown me when I told her that I was practicing a pagan lifestyle. She’s really been OK with the whole thing but even she told me to never tell my dad. It’s hard to keep something like your whole view of the world and your spirituality a secret from the people you should be able to open up to.

I recently started a virtual assistant business and I’m slightly afraid to let people know that my beliefs are not Christian in nature. Have you ever been in a situation in your professional life where your religion put someone off and they decided not to be acquainted with you?

By Autumn on May 14, 2009 |

I read this through a link from a more current blog post of yours. I’ve been in your exact shoes, living with people who wouldn’t understand what we believe. I’ve found the communities online to be a Goddess-send for keeping my sanity when just sitting in the middle of the floor with candles and incense and meditations to center and guide can’t happen. At those times, with the help of the internet, that closet opens in the back (a la Narnia)and the whole world is there with you. *hugs*

Autumn´s last blog post..What is in a symbol?

By Mama Kelly on May 16, 2009 |

Hi Autumn –

I dont spend much time in the online communities, and our forum here at 2Witches has yet to catch on. But I love the connections I have made here, through this blog; all the lovely people I’ve “met”

Blessings to you and thank you for your comment