It has been a stressful week.  Work has been most of the cause of my increased anxiety, restless nights and the moments of bursting into tears without any provocation.

A couple of days ago I posted a tarot reading I did in answer to the question of what was standing in the way of my dreams.  If you asked me that question today I would tell you that among all the hindrances and stumbling blocks on my path, my job is probably foremost among them.

Telemarketing is a rough job if you work for the best of companies.  It is stressful, and mind-numbingly boring.  However, if you also work for my company it is belittleing and soul-sucking as well.

The last few weeks have been the worst of my entire time there (more than 7 years).  While last year saw the death of overtime and earlier this year saw the end of a side project that nicely took its place financially, while paycuts have been happening for almost a year (some people have lost $4 an hour), now they are sending people home right and left for “low production.”  Last week I lost 2 hours pay and this week I only made my whole 40 hours by “making up” my hours by staying late on Friday.

And even when I get all my hours, the stress of the job and the environment leads me to come home from work with no energy to do anything.  I am spent!  I can’t seem to motivate myself to do ritual, to work on article and book ideas that are simmering, to clean, to cook, to even play with my girls.  It is probably, aside from the weight of debt we carry, the biggest cause for the bone-crushing depression (and anxiety.. and fatigue) that has led to much of the stagnation I am coping with.

While I still intend to finish obtaining a 2 year degree, before returning to school I need to find a better job.  One that provides luxuries such as a living wage, paid time off, and insurance premiums that don’t make we wonder how much I can get for the gold jewelry I no longer wear.  While I still dream of making my living as a Witch (by writing, by having more time to work on this blog, by making items I can sell via places such as zazzle and etsy) first I need to have a job that I do not spend eight hours a day wondering when and if I am going to be sent home early and if so how the heck I’m going to make up the time.

So that is my current goal.  Find a better job in an economy that doesn’t have a lot of jobs to go around.  It will take luck, it will take energy, it will take a really kick ass resume (that luckily I have multiple friends offering to help me with) and it will take courage to go out of my comfort zone and take a risk.

Because, as my tarot reading reminded me … just because there is a level of comfort in “the hell I know” it is still time, long past it in fact, to take risks and try my luck again and trust that I can find something better out there.

Blessings

Mama Kelly

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